Comments for AskUgg! - Cheating, Relationships, Dating, Sex, Intimacy, Infidelity, It's all here! http://www.askugg.com AskUgg.com discusses Cheating, Relationships, Dating, Sex, Intimacy, Infidelity, and more! Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:51:37 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.1.2 Comment on My Boyfriend Visits Dating And Singles Sites - Is He Cheating On Me? by Zika http://www.askugg.com/2007/04/18/my-boyfriend-visits-dating-and-singles-sites-is-he-cheating-on-me/#comment-33863 Zika Sun, 07 Mar 2010 09:09:11 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/04/18/my-boyfriend-visits-dating-and-singles-sites-is-he-cheating-on-me/#comment-33863 Hi everyone! I have a similiar story. I have been dating my boyfriend for years now, I did cheat on him once it was stupid and I am totally sorry this ever happened. He took me back, and we have been coping with it, it has not been easy, but he eventually forgave me and things were going well again. However, this week I was browsing the web and I saw his name on a dating website called "beautifulpeople.com", sending messages on his board and telling the girls to add him on msn, I felt sick and betrayed and stupid. Now I know what it is like to be cheated on! I have not yet confronted him with this, as I know he will play the "you cheated too" card. But, I did tell him that I was insecure on whether one day he would find someone else and leave me, trying to see what he said. The thing is, he keeps telling me he loves me and nothing is wrong....and on the other hand I cannot talk about this incident with him, I dont think its worth talking about, perphaps he created this profile while we were in that "bad place" after I cheated :( I dont know what to do! Hi everyone!

I have a similiar story. I have been dating my boyfriend for years now, I did cheat on him once it was stupid and I am totally sorry this ever happened. He took me back, and we have been coping with it, it has not been easy, but he eventually forgave me and things were going well again. However, this week I was browsing the web and I saw his name on a dating website called “beautifulpeople.com”, sending messages on his board and telling the girls to add him on msn, I felt sick and betrayed and stupid. Now I know what it is like to be cheated on! I have not yet confronted him with this, as I know he will play the “you cheated too” card. But, I did tell him that I was insecure on whether one day he would find someone else and leave me, trying to see what he said. The thing is, he keeps telling me he loves me and nothing is wrong….and on the other hand I cannot talk about this incident with him, I dont think its worth talking about, perphaps he created this profile while we were in that “bad place” after I cheated :( I dont know what to do!

]]> Comment on Ask Ugg! by Caset http://www.askugg.com/ask-ugg/#comment-33828 Caset Fri, 05 Mar 2010 18:55:02 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/ask-ugg/#comment-33828 My boyfriend and I have been broken up for almost a year now. We ended on a very bad note. Recently I have been thinking about him a lot, I think I miss him. What should I do? My boyfriend and I have been broken up for almost a year now. We ended on a very bad note. Recently I have been thinking about him a lot, I think I miss him. What should I do?

]]> Comment on My Boyfriend Visits Dating And Singles Sites - Is He Cheating On Me? by yadalb http://www.askugg.com/2007/04/18/my-boyfriend-visits-dating-and-singles-sites-is-he-cheating-on-me/#comment-33637 yadalb Thu, 25 Feb 2010 19:35:47 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/04/18/my-boyfriend-visits-dating-and-singles-sites-is-he-cheating-on-me/#comment-33637 My husband responded to an email he received from a russian female. He said the email showed up in his in box and she wanted to talk. He said he knew it was a scam for money, but wanted to see how long it took for "her" to ask for money. Sure enough it was. But my question is: Can one of these emails from some russian chick just show up in your inbox and you can just respond without signing up to some singles site? This sounds fishy. My husband responded to an email he received from a russian female. He said the email showed up in his in box and she wanted to talk. He said he knew it was a scam for money, but wanted to see how long it took for “her” to ask for money. Sure enough it was. But my question is: Can one of these emails from some russian chick just show up in your inbox and you can just respond without signing up to some singles site? This sounds fishy.

]]> Comment on My Boyfriend Visits Dating And Singles Sites - Is He Cheating On Me? by yadalb http://www.askugg.com/2007/04/18/my-boyfriend-visits-dating-and-singles-sites-is-he-cheating-on-me/#comment-33636 yadalb Thu, 25 Feb 2010 19:31:03 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/04/18/my-boyfriend-visits-dating-and-singles-sites-is-he-cheating-on-me/#comment-33636 I found an email from a russian female to my hubby. He responded to her a couple of times. I confronted him. It is one of those phony emails where the female sender is trying to get money. Anyway, I asked him how did she get his email. He stated that he didn't know, usually it is spam, but this one went right to his yahoo email, he said I knew it was one of those emails trying to get money, so I wanted to see how far it would go. Can this happen without signing up to one of these single sites? I found an email from a russian female to my hubby. He responded to her a couple of times. I confronted him. It is one of those phony emails where the female sender is trying to get money. Anyway, I asked him how did she get his email. He stated that he didn’t know, usually it is spam, but this one went right to his yahoo email, he said I knew it was one of those emails trying to get money, so I wanted to see how far it would go. Can this happen without signing up to one of these single sites?

]]> Comment on My Boyfriend Visits Dating And Singles Sites - Is He Cheating On Me? by kyla1288 http://www.askugg.com/2007/04/18/my-boyfriend-visits-dating-and-singles-sites-is-he-cheating-on-me/#comment-33635 kyla1288 Thu, 25 Feb 2010 18:35:29 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/04/18/my-boyfriend-visits-dating-and-singles-sites-is-he-cheating-on-me/#comment-33635 hey i just wanted to let you know i am dealing with this exact situation. I found the links in my boyfriends email the exact same way you did, and it was the worst feeling i have ever had. He didnt actually subscribe, and that was the card he played when i brought it up to him, but he doesnt have a credit card.. so i continue to wonder if he would have subscribed if he could have. He basically said that he was curious to see what kind of people use those sites, and he explained the ashley madison one (the worst one) by saying that he was just looking because he heard on the news that Tiger Woods got caught on there. When i tried to talk to him about it, he madeit seem like i was crazy, insecure, and snooping through his stuff. He compared it to me going to bars, where i can look at guys and talk to them if i want. Obviously this is ridiculous because people go to bars with friends, to socialize, to dance, for lots of reasons than to meet people of the opposite sex. I havent broken up with him, mainly becuase i want to believe that he loves me and wouldnt do anything to hurt me. He promised to not log into those sites anymore, and im choosing to believe him until i have reason not to. My problem with your situation is that he did it a second time. Clearly im not one to judge, but i believe that regardless of why he did it in the first place, the fact that he did it AGAIN, after knowing how much pain and hurt he caused you the first time, is a really bad sign. If i catch my bf doing something like this again, there won't be another chance. you need to say to him.. i cared about you enough to let this go for the sake of our relationship, but obviously you dont value our relationship or my feelings becuase you took a huge risk and continued this behaviour which you knew killed me the first time! How can you expect me to trust you now? fool me once, shame on you.. fool me twice, shame on me. hey i just wanted to let you know i am dealing with this exact situation. I found the links in my boyfriends email the exact same way you did, and it was the worst feeling i have ever had. He didnt actually subscribe, and that was the card he played when i brought it up to him, but he doesnt have a credit card.. so i continue to wonder if he would have subscribed if he could have. He basically said that he was curious to see what kind of people use those sites, and he explained the ashley madison one (the worst one) by saying that he was just looking because he heard on the news that Tiger Woods got caught on there. When i tried to talk to him about it, he madeit seem like i was crazy, insecure, and snooping through his stuff. He compared it to me going to bars, where i can look at guys and talk to them if i want. Obviously this is ridiculous because people go to bars with friends, to socialize, to dance, for lots of reasons than to meet people of the opposite sex. I havent broken up with him, mainly becuase i want to believe that he loves me and wouldnt do anything to hurt me. He promised to not log into those sites anymore, and im choosing to believe him until i have reason not to. My problem with your situation is that he did it a second time. Clearly im not one to judge, but i believe that regardless of why he did it in the first place, the fact that he did it AGAIN, after knowing how much pain and hurt he caused you the first time, is a really bad sign. If i catch my bf doing something like this again, there won’t be another chance.

you need to say to him.. i cared about you enough to let this go for the sake of our relationship, but obviously you dont value our relationship or my feelings becuase you took a huge risk and continued this behaviour which you knew killed me the first time! How can you expect me to trust you now?

fool me once, shame on you.. fool me twice, shame on me.

]]> Comment on Ask Ugg! by Mr. Marvelous http://www.askugg.com/ask-ugg/#comment-33595 Mr. Marvelous Tue, 23 Feb 2010 18:06:03 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/ask-ugg/#comment-33595 I'm currently in a five-month relationship with my girlfriend. I love her very much. But my problem is that she had a VERY promiscious past. I recently turned 27 and she is 21. She is the 3rd girl I've ever had sex with. When we first started dating she told me she had only been with 4 guys before me. However as we started dating, I started to hear rumors around town about her and some particular people that I happen to know. I confronted her about it and she lied to me on many different occassions. The truth is finally coming out and it seems like she has had closer to 40 different sexual partners!! I love her and I'm trying to get through this. But it is so HARD for me. Images and visions torture me every day of her and other guys having sex :( I'm so hurt by this because I really feel she could be the one. She swears that she has changed and she regrets it...but how do I get over this? Some of her past partners are guys that I know and see on a somewhat regular basis...as a man, its eating me alive...I just feel sick about the whole situation...what do I do? Most of my friends say break up with her..but its not that easy for me..I love her :( I’m currently in a five-month relationship with my girlfriend. I love her very much. But my problem is that she had a VERY promiscious past. I recently turned 27 and she is 21. She is the 3rd girl I’ve ever had sex with. When we first started dating she told me she had only been with 4 guys before me. However as we started dating, I started to hear rumors around town about her and some particular people that I happen to know. I confronted her about it and she lied to me on many different occassions. The truth is finally coming out and it seems like she has had closer to 40 different sexual partners!! I love her and I’m trying to get through this. But it is so HARD for me. Images and visions torture me every day of her and other guys having sex :( I’m so hurt by this because I really feel she could be the one. She swears that she has changed and she regrets it…but how do I get over this? Some of her past partners are guys that I know and see on a somewhat regular basis…as a man, its eating me alive…I just feel sick about the whole situation…what do I do? Most of my friends say break up with her..but its not that easy for me..I love her :(

]]> Comment on *CAUGHT!* - I’m Cheating On My Husband With My Best Friend While My Husband Is Deployed In Iraq… by Sara http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/09/caught-im-cheating-on-my-husband-with-my-best-friend-while-my-husband-is-deployed-in-iraq/#comment-33593 Sara Tue, 23 Feb 2010 15:50:57 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/09/caught-im-cheating-on-my-husband-with-my-best-friend-while-my-husband-is-deployed-in-iraq/#comment-33593 FYI- It's spelled Iraq, not Irak. FYI- It’s spelled Iraq, not Irak.

]]> Comment on I Just Found Out My Girlfriend Used To Sleep Around A Lot - What Do I Do? by rkyobo http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/i-just-found-out-my-girlfriend-used-to-sleep-around-a-lot-what-do-i-do/#comment-33351 rkyobo Thu, 11 Feb 2010 00:36:20 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/i-just-found-out-my-girlfriend-used-to-sleep-around-a-lot-what-do-i-do/#comment-33351 I'm a psychologist and would like to try to help out. If your wife was promiscuous as a teenager, it is highly likely she was very ashamed about it and that is why she never fessed up to you about it. Generally, girls who are promiscuous like that have a very poor self image, and feel that the only way to get boys to like them is to give them what they want sexually. The girl honestly feels that she is good for nothing but sex. The oral sex (to a girl like I'm describing) was probably more of a degradation thing than a sexual preference that she enjoyed. Her unwillingness to engage in oral sex with you makes me more inclined to believe that she views it still as a degrading act that she wishes to avoid. With counseling, she may be able to get past that and enjoy oral sex with you one day. I would suggest to you the possibility that she may have been sexually molested as a child. Many girls who were molested as children end up being promiscuous as teens and even as adults. She may have no strong recollection of the molestation, but probably has some images in her mind of situations that occurred. I would also suggest to you that your wife is needing your understanding and compassion about this. It was likely something that haunted her for all those years. I know for your male pride (not meaning this in a derogatory way) it must be very difficult, especially with the boys (now men) that used her sexually being your acquaintances. If need be, you could always re-locate to another area to have a fresh start. You're never too old to do that. A change of scenery could be good for both of you. If you would like, I can try to offer some help and counsel to your wife. My email address is rkyobo@gmail.com. God bless! I’m a psychologist and would like to try to help out.

If your wife was promiscuous as a teenager, it is highly likely she was very ashamed about it and that is why she never fessed up to you about it. Generally, girls who are promiscuous like that have a very poor self image, and feel that the only way to get boys to like them is to give them what they want sexually. The girl honestly feels that she is good for nothing but sex. The oral sex (to a girl like I’m describing) was probably more of a degradation thing than a sexual preference that she enjoyed. Her unwillingness to engage in oral sex with you makes me more inclined to believe that she views it still as a degrading act that she wishes to avoid. With counseling, she may be able to get past that and enjoy oral sex with you one day.

I would suggest to you the possibility that she may have been sexually molested as a child. Many girls who were molested as children end up being promiscuous as teens and even as adults. She may have no strong recollection of the molestation, but probably has some images in her mind of situations that occurred.

I would also suggest to you that your wife is needing your understanding and compassion about this. It was likely something that haunted her for all those years.

I know for your male pride (not meaning this in a derogatory way) it must be very difficult, especially with the boys (now men) that used her sexually being your acquaintances. If need be, you could always re-locate to another area to have a fresh start. You’re never too old to do that. A change of scenery could be good for both of you. If you would like, I can try to offer some help and counsel to your wife. My email address is rkyobo@gmail.com.

God bless!

]]> Comment on *CAUGHT!* - I’m Cheating On My Husband With My Best Friend While My Husband Is Deployed In Iraq… by rkyobo http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/09/caught-im-cheating-on-my-husband-with-my-best-friend-while-my-husband-is-deployed-in-iraq/#comment-33350 rkyobo Thu, 11 Feb 2010 00:18:12 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/09/caught-im-cheating-on-my-husband-with-my-best-friend-while-my-husband-is-deployed-in-iraq/#comment-33350 George, just to let you know - after two years, you are STILL an idiot! George, just to let you know - after two years, you are STILL an idiot!

]]> Comment on I Just Found Out My Girlfriend Used To Sleep Around A Lot - What Do I Do? by disappointed http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/i-just-found-out-my-girlfriend-used-to-sleep-around-a-lot-what-do-i-do/#comment-33238 disappointed Fri, 05 Feb 2010 14:33:18 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/i-just-found-out-my-girlfriend-used-to-sleep-around-a-lot-what-do-i-do/#comment-33238 Been married nearly 20 years. Just found out that my wife didn't disclose her past when we got married. Instead of having 13 boyfriends and 1 one night stand she told me about prior to marriage, it's now up to 25+ one nightstands & counting as she remembers things. Claims she just mis-counted and thought I knew everything back then. I guess I was supposed to read her mind or something. To me the difference between 1 and 25+ is NOT miscounting! I was not a virgin when we married but had only been in a couple long term relationships & considered sex something special, not just to be given away to whomever happens to be around. Also found out lots of drugs were used and nearly all the one night stands consisted of... go to party, get drunk, pick some guy, go somewhere a little private, let him do whatever he wants... or just suck his dick right at the party to start things off. She didn't even know the name of quite a few of them. Several she was so drunk, she doesn't really know what happened but is certain she had sex (how does this work?). Unfortunately, many of them live & work very near us and I REALLY don't want to run into them - already ended up talking for a day with one of them before I knew who he was. Felt pretty sick after I found out. Now instead of thinking about my wife having boyfriends, I have visions of her being the town slut. When I kiss her, I think of all the dicks that have been in that mouth. She's never wanted to suck my dick because she said she doesn't like to. I never thought much of it until she told me of all the times she did that at parties for other guys - now it really pisses me off. How to I stop these thoughts & images? I believe she has been faithful these past 20 years and I love her and am committed to working through this. I'm really not sure where to start though. Any advice appreciated. Been married nearly 20 years. Just found out that my wife didn’t disclose her past when we got married. Instead of having 13 boyfriends and 1 one night stand she told me about prior to marriage, it’s now up to 25+ one nightstands & counting as she remembers things. Claims she just mis-counted and thought I knew everything back then. I guess I was supposed to read her mind or something. To me the difference between 1 and 25+ is NOT miscounting! I was not a virgin when we married but had only been in a couple long term relationships & considered sex something special, not just to be given away to whomever happens to be around.

Also found out lots of drugs were used and nearly all the one night stands consisted of… go to party, get drunk, pick some guy, go somewhere a little private, let him do whatever he wants… or just suck his dick right at the party to start things off. She didn’t even know the name of quite a few of them. Several she was so drunk, she doesn’t really know what happened but is certain she had sex (how does this work?). Unfortunately, many of them live & work very near us and I REALLY don’t want to run into them - already ended up talking for a day with one of them before I knew who he was. Felt pretty sick after I found out.

Now instead of thinking about my wife having boyfriends, I have visions of her being the town slut. When I kiss her, I think of all the dicks that have been in that mouth. She’s never wanted to suck my dick because she said she doesn’t like to. I never thought much of it until she told me of all the times she did that at parties for other guys - now it really pisses me off. How to I stop these thoughts & images?

I believe she has been faithful these past 20 years and I love her and am committed to working through this. I’m really not sure where to start though. Any advice appreciated.

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