My Boyfriend Visits Dating And Singles Sites - eHarmony Yahoo Personals and AmericanSinglesIf there is one rule of thumb to be had about snooping – it’s that you’ll often find the very stuff you wish you never knew.

Toby Keith has a song with a pertinent lyric here: “I wish I didn’t know now.. what I didn’t know then”. When faced with personal information about a partner, it’s best to imagine a large sign with big red letters that say “ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK“.


On my boyfriends computer I recently found that he goes to singles sites he never fully registers or makes a profile or pays for any of them but he goes to like yahoo personals, eharmony, americansingles and looks up a lot of profiles and on top of that he even goes to those sexual singles sites the ones where people
are just looking to hook up.

We have been together for a while and this has happened before but when i confronted him about it he said that he just wants to see if he knows anyone on those sites but that is bull… But it is really bothering me.. So how do i bring it up without making it look like ive been snooping on his computer?? And what the hell is up with him always looking on those sites?? Please Help

The unfortunate truth is that if nothing else, you’ve established that he was lying. Men and women often do this when “busted” because it ends the conversation and avoids the fact that you don’t really want an answer, you just want to talk about it.

Again though, this is neither the time nor the place. When confronting someone about something, you need to ask yourself, “Do I really want an answer? Will just an answer satisfy me? Or do I want to know why and talk about the why”. If it’s the latter, which it most often is, it’s better to take some time to really get your thoughts down. Putting someone on the spot will only allow them to give the easiest and often the worst answers. This is a serious discussion that needs to take place later when you’re more able to truly deal with the realities of the “what’s next”.

Now, on to that let’s take a look at this:

“On my boyfriends computer I recently found that he goes to singles sites”

“He never fully registers, makes a profile, or pays for any of them but he goes to yahoo personals, eharmony, americansingles and looks up a lot of profiles”

“This has happened before but when I confronted him about it he said that he just wants to see if he knows anyone on those sites”

  • You admit to yourself that you don’t believe this. And you shouldn’t. But you need to ask yourself, what have you done about it? If you truly don’t believe him, you can’t let that answer satisfy you. However, the truth is going to hurt here, and I think you’re avoiding that on purpose.

“How do I bring it up without making it look like I’ve been snooping on his computer? And what the hell is up with him always looking on those sites?”

  • You really don’t need to. In this case, it’s all about how you are positioning your question. If you are ready to leave him if he admits to looking for someone else and sticking with you until he finds someone better (or willing), then just confront him. Tell him you found that on his computer and that you need an answer. It’s likely he’ll lie to you unless he’s already involved. Without irrefutable evidence (video or pics of him cheating, etc.), he’ll continue to hide behind the plausible deniability card.

What Can You Do When He Denies It Again?

There’s really nothing you can do about that, which is why you need to ask yourself how important this is to you. Do you want a man like that? Can you learn to live with the fact that he is looking elsewhere? Can you work harder and be more physically intimate without feeling like you’re not getting enough in return?

Men are physically stimulated and women are mentally stimulated (for the most part). This is why men only need a steady supply of sex with a physically attractive woman, while women start to feel used when there aren’t enough deep conversations, personal and emotional gifts, etc. Simple things like putting on weight and loss of sex drive can be enough to force a man to look elsewhere.

You need to be honest with yourself about how you feel about your options. Then confront him with what you found, and be firm. If the answer to the above is that you can’t deal with a man like that, then you have to leave. If he’s still doing this behind your back, he’s either avoiding a difficult answer to your question, or he just doesn’t care either way. If you feel that you can change, then avoid bringing it up and focus on what you think you need to change (work out, be more physically intimate, nag less, etc.).

In today’s society, promiscuity is ingrained in everything we read to everything we watch on TV. As we mature and get older we become better able to deal with dedicated relationships, but until then.. We’re fools to try and make something work, that obviously is broken beyond repair.

Then again, to play devil’s advocate.. As this article on mentions, not all the people you meet on dating sites are ready for that next step, even if they appear to be shopping…

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Comment by jess
2007-04-21 12:59:39

Oh, seriously, get over yourself. I’ve read a lot of this site and most of your opinions are decent…. but to suggest the WOMAN needs to change because her man is cheating? Please. I believe that men do need sex more than women do, but they do NOT need it like they need oxygen. Sex is essential to the happiness of both genders. A wife not being sexually adventurous enough or god forbid, gaining weight, is NOT enough reason to cheat! It means it’s time to have honest discussions between yourselves, and if the problem isn’t addressed, leave, and THEN find someone else.

You manage to hide it well in most of your posts, but you are a woman hater, plain and simple. Live your life as you wish, but I doubt when you’re older and you look back at your string of flings that involved you making no connection with the person beyond sex, you’ll have some regrets. What’s the point of life if not to love and learn from other people?

Comment by Ugg
2007-04-21 20:30:52

Unfortunately, we seem to be saying the same thing. :)

You said:

It means it’s time to have honest discussions between yourselves, and if the problem isn’t addressed, leave, and THEN find someone else.

And I agree 100%.

The problem here though, is that the woman who wrote is now finding out that this is the SECOND time. It’s pretty plain that the man probably never changed.

So what to do? If he hasn’t changed and rather lies about it, do you think he can? That he wants to?

If she truly wants this relationship to work – then fight for it. But to fight 50% and then expect him to throw in his 50% is going to be futile – he doesn’t even care enough now to do anything. This is a case where if the woman wants to be at the altar with this man, she’s going to have to drag him here because it doesn’t look like he’s going to do any of the walking on his own.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results – you can be that I would not recommend the same course of action here. Leaving would probably be the sanest, easiest, and healthiest choice for her own sake.

when you’re older and you look back at your string of flings that involved you making no connection with the person beyond sex, you’ll have some regrets. What’s the point of life if not to love and learn from other people?

Aren’t you contradicting yourself here? By having a serious of relationships, whether or not they satisfy you beyond sexual grounds _IS_ loving and learning from other people.

I firmly believe that the high divorce rate in America is from people marrying before they truly know themselves well enough to know what they want from a life partner.

You manage to hide it well in most of your posts, but you are a woman hater, plain and simple.

To the contrary, I love women! If this were an “anti-women” site, we’d see lots of articles about men, only for men, etc. I admit I cater more to the male brain, as we’re kindred spirits, but I never turn down the opportunity to discuss female sexual issues either.

If this answer has left you unsatisfied, please feel free to contact me via the “Ask Ugg” link up top! Make sure to leave contact information and I guarantee I’ll get back to you.

Thanks for the comment!

Comment by mark
2007-07-10 12:33:33


I did a search on Google to find a blog to see what a therapist would say about my internet activity and whether or not they would agree with my girlfriend ………Am I cheating.

My situation is very similar to the girls’ posting here. I have been caught by my girlfriend looking on similar websites. But I really only do it for passive entertainment.

I know…….you’re all saying Bullshit.

But, did you ever stop to think that other people have interaction with the opposite sex in the work place. I work from home and I don’t have daily interaction with co-workers, conversations with people about the opposite sex, office staff, people that we see at lunch….or anybody else. Where other guys may buy a calendar with sexy girls or look at girls in a magazine, I will click on a website.

MYSPACE….Yes, I have a myspace page. I have lots of pictures of me and my girlfriend on there, so trust me…..I might as well have the plague—because girls are not sending me messages wanting to hook up.

The other day, I went on MYSPACE to post a TOPIC for discussion to a sports GROUP to which I belong. Up at the top, it had a website for Triathlon Singles. So, I thought “What the hell”. Their profiles included a paragraph and one picture of them. To see more pictures or to contact them, you had to put in your e-mail address, so I didn’t do that. But, I did clicked on a dozen or so profiles and then moved on. Back on MYSPACE, I clicked on Browse to see if there were any hotties. So what….big deal.

What bothers me is that my girlfriend uses her new findings as capital to pillage every thread of my personal life. She goes through my bill fold, she reads through my e-mails, she goes into my browsing history. I told her that I don’t go through her purse, just because she leaves it on the table. I asked her how many hours and hundreds of e-mails did she have to read before realizing that I am not screwing anybody or pursuing anybody on the side.

Unfortunately, I think that torments her, becasue she has this low opinion of me that me and all of my friends are players, but she knows where I am every day and every night and she would like nothing better than to prove herself right about me.

I am a good looking guy. I can get laid on any given day —–but I don’t. I certainly don’t need the internet to do it. Do I want to get laid ??? Maybe—So do lots of guys………but we don’t. Do we talk about it? Yes……..but we don’t. So, does all of this make me a cheater ??? Well, if I am going to get convicted of it, then maybe I should start dropping my pants and get my game on.

Is it possible that the internet is just a new form of passive entertainment and girl-watching?

You women need to ask yourselves when you look at, converse or make comments about some hot new guy in the office or when you are at lunch together –if you are cheating. If you saw a handsome man in a restaurant and you had a chance to read a “free” paragraph about him would you do it? If you did, would you be cheating—even if you never talked to him?

Comment by Ugg
2007-07-10 13:16:33

I think you hit on a really fantastic way to describe this – online women watching.

However, I wanted to prepare the reader for the eventuality that their relationship may in fact be in danger.

You see, while YOU definitely seem to be an exception to the rule – most men cannot communicate effectively or do not believe they could have this sort of conversation with a woman without it spiraling into a breakup fight.

As a result, many men continue searching until they find something or someone better, in which case they won’t feel the risk of loss.

It may be harmless, but it also may not be, and I think that the latter is a more likely situation if you look at this over the course of the next several years.

Comment by Kara
2008-11-11 20:03:07

I just want to say “THANK YOU”!!! I have caught my husband doing this and I couldn’t understand why he would do this to me. I was absolutely sick over it and I found my self doing exactly what your girlfriend did to you…I went through his e-mails obsessively, checked his wallet, checked his phone….when I finally realized that it had to stop. Either I had to accept his explanation and get over it, or leave…I chose to forgive him, but I didn’t realize that I was still holding on to just a pinch of the pain, until I read your comment! What you say is absolutely true, and if I accuse him of cheating over this, then I am just as guilty!!! Thanks for the wake-up call…’s much appreciated……also, it’s great to know that there are honest guys out there, proves that there is still hope!!!!

Comment by Allison
2010-05-07 17:28:59

Okay fine… but what if your husband has filled out a profile by 20% and the parts where it says.. Looking says: looking for 1 on 1… decreet relationship, or casual sex???? what then?

Comment by mark
2007-07-12 06:17:42

Before I met my GF, I once had a free-trial membership to and actually subscribed to matchmaker at one time. During that whole period, I never set up any dates through those sites and there were plenty of opportunities. Why ??? Because, I didn’t have to. I met plent of girls the old fashioned way.

So, for me….it never has been a place to “hook-up” and set up dates. It is just girl-watching. I don’t see it any differently than 2 women sitting at a Starbucks and making a comment about a guy who walks through the door. They probably don’t say anything about the ugly guys, but you can bet the cute one gets their attention. And in the security of their anonymity, they check him out. Big deal.

And, you are right……you certainly cannot have this conversation with a woman without it sprialing out of control. Dont’ even try.

Being that I have never used to internet to meet somebody apparently doesn’t seem to matter in supporting my position. But, it’s funny how people will justify their opinion based on what thier friends say or by what somebody on the “Internet” said. How ridiculous! That doesn’t make them right. They just share the same opinion.

Just because 100 million people favor “pro-choice” doesn’t mean that the 50 million people who favor “pro-life” are wrong. Regardless if the margin of opinion is 2 to 1. It is simply a matter of opinion that happens to be different.

So, I am not saying that I am “right” or she is “wrong”. We just have a different opinion on this issue. There is an old ‘accepted” saying that it is OK to read the menu as long as you don’t order. Well, what happened to that?????

Some women think it is acceptable to flirt. And they do it openly for just that simple moment of satisfaction they get. Even if they are married or in a relationship, it’s just this little thing they do at work / at the grocery store / driving down the road. You know who you are !!! But, if the same woman were to catch her husband browsing on the internet………….he would have HELL to pay for that.
Maybe some people need to quit living the double-standard!!!!!

Comment by west point john
2007-09-04 13:31:44

The debate rages. How prevalent is cheating on a loved one through Facebook/MySpace/AIM? check it out..

Comment by melissa
2008-02-27 07:41:16

Every one here has good points. I feel (my opinion) is part of the problem is the internet has become a good way to avoid real people. People have forgotten and gotten lazy ( notice, I say people , not just one gender) how to use communication. We have gotten lazy, and have to many easy fixes now. It is easier to not say anything about our needs or wants or to do the work to achieve what happiness we desire. In the past, if men wanted to see naked woman, for entertainment, most guys would subscribe to Playboy. Woman, debated that issue as well, but in reality, it was hard to establish a connection with a picture only. The internet is a different medium. Anything you what, you can get! Girl or guy watching, can be easily moved into something different. Not everyone that looks, acts. But more and more do. The laziness and loss of human communication leads to, well, I am not getting……. from….., so I will go to the cookie jar and get….., I can justifiy it, I have to take care of me. They will never give me….., so why ask for it, why open myself up, they will reject me, they accuse me anyway, so instead of trying to figure this out, I”ll take care of me, lie if I get caught, they wil never know. Who needs people, when I can get from machine! Just my thoughts!

Comment by Ashley
2008-06-25 22:01:02

I found my man on NUMEROUS sex and dating sites. I deleted the ones I could (finding his password/username via his email.) There was one I could not delete, because he is PAYING $24.99 a month for. So…I created my own account, delete all his little buddies off his page, added myself to his page (am now his only buddy), then I changed his whole profile saying he was gay and looking for a man, telling everyone how he likes to cheat, and put his display pic as one of him and I. It still hurts and he doesn’t even know I’ve done this yet (did it today.) He’ll be in for a surprise when he goes to log in. However, I can’t help the anger…I’ve been snapping at him all day and told him it was over. He was like…”Where did this come from?? What is wrong?? What did I do??” Since this isn’t the first time he’s done it, there is no need to explain…there is not need to ‘talk’ about anything. It’s done and over and he’ll soon see why. I’m disgusted.

Comment by Eve
2008-12-12 01:41:07

I see a lot of comments validating men looking at these sites but honestly if the situation were reversed what would a guy think of a girl doing those activities? Well obviously outrage and paranoia……that is a normal reaction….I just hate it when people try to justify things they themselves feel guilty for doing. Denying the guilt would be pointless because these guys have to be “caught” by these girls……whatever happened to the communication they claim they want regarding this I wonder? The sad thing is I went through this same thing and forgave him over and over eventually he got cocky and thought he could treat me like dirt cause of a “new friend” online…he set me up for an online cat fight……I refused and set the girl straight cause he fed her a bunch of lies….I befriended her and found out she liked to screw multiple guys online despite the pity proclamation of love she gave my guy… guys you just watch yourself cause karama does exist. Ohh and before you accuse me of snooping I noticed he was hacking into my email and trying to justify it so that led me to snoop cause anyone with a brain would realize he was worried I might be doing the same thing he was all along. Cheating 101….

Comment by Me
2009-03-29 03:25:42

I guess I kind of understand what your all saying but I also think that your only getting a portion of story nobody knows the kind of person the guy is in each situation, for example my ex boyfriend could say I snooped and found out he was “just checking out other girls” and he was he was just talking (I think) but none of you know what went on behind the scenes to lead me to believe that he could be doing such things, think about it before you go calling her a snoop if he had nothing to hide why would it bother him I was totally honest with my ex he could look at anything he wanted to because I love him and have no secrets, but I couldn’t why not!!!! because he has something to HIDE!!!!!!
and Ironically enough when I”snooped” I found that he indeed had something to hide, Men and Women alike if you need something other than the person your with Just LEAVE don’t come up with a reason to stay if your not happy just go it will be easier in the long run for all involved.

Comment by Andrea
2009-04-20 14:08:23

I am going thought the same situation, I wrote him this email:

Mike, last night when I saw you looking at it make me realize that you are unhappy and still looking for something else. You say you love me, but your actions show something different.
Pat if you are not sure about this relationship and feel that you could find someone that can make you happier you should go for it! The only thing that I ask for is honesty. If you don’t feel fulfilled we should end up this relationship ASAP, I don’t want to waste my time, neither yours, realize that you are almost 50 years old and you should not waste your time with someone that you don’t love. Yes… it will be hard for me in the beginning but I have the advantage of my age, and I have more time to find my soul mate.
Stop lying that someone else put you in there, I saw the profile with your picture on it.
I feel betrayed, and want honesty, whatever the true is I will understand and move forward, is not only for us but for the kids, the more time we are together the hardest it will be for them to heal if this come to an end.
I feel kind of ridiculous setting up a “family photoshoot” knowing that you are still looking for woman and in different dating sites.People see us as a cute couple and family but the reality is different.
You lied and promised me that you were not in any dating site. I feel betrayed.The point is that if you are into this relationship,you should have no problem losing the online dating voyeurism, and whatever flimsy excuses you give me are irrelevant—if you cannot give it up, even knowing that it upsets me,then… let’s be friends. the trust issue is already causing me to doubt your sincerity.

His response:


I am bieng honest when I told you I’m not on any dating sites…and I HONESTLY don’t know how I was placed back on there….other than to guess I receive an email and opened it up. This was a site I ddin’t sign up for but either yahoo or match put me on (I regrettably agreed to have them add me to affiliate sites).

I canceled because it was a lame site and in all honesty, my mother is more attractive than what is on there!

It did somehow pop up agaisn late last week and I looked at the site for “pure entertainment value”. I even sent one of the “beasts” to James and he got a kick out of it.

You do have trust issues and i’ve told you….you really need to trust me. I do love you but you push me away when thinks like this come up. I don’t spy on you, I don’t put hidden recorders in your car, I don’t check your emails of phone records, I don’t search your computer activity….you are an amaxing person and I find you to be absoutely beautiful….except your insecurity is pretty unattractive and I find it to be a total turn-off.

We go to the beach, have a great tiem, we go and have a nice sushi dinner…and then beacuse I look at a on-line site for pure entertainment value….you end up ruining what should have been a great weekend! I have enough shit going on in my life and I would like to think my GIRLFRIEND adds to my happiness and not my “stress”.

You really need to trust me….and I will always be fatithful….unless you continue to push me away with your lack of trust issues…

Life is too short babe…so get a flipping clue and realise I love you and would never go on a date with anyone else…

I don’t consider myself insecure, is just that after founding him in all this websites is hard for me to blind trust him, I love this men very much, he is 20 years older that me, people consider me pretty, I am a very passionate woman, I am good to him…

What should I write him back?

Do you think I am too insecure?

Thank you for reading

Comment by MVW
2009-08-30 07:38:04

Oh, get out of there.

This man is extremely manipulative. I have dated someone just like this, and reading this pains me. He is making YOU feel like you are over-reacting???? Please don’t loose yourself or your values or standards for a man like this.

Get out. Love will find you, if you let it.


Comment by Andrea
2009-06-01 22:25:08

I met my boyfriend on the internent whcih was something new for me. Recently we broke up because I discovered, not “snooping” while I thought I was checking my own yahoo site e-mail that I was actually on his Yahoo site and I could not figure out who these people were that were contacting me until I began to read the mail and it was responses from women that he contacted. As adults we ALL look and some of us even touch, however after being together close to a year and my boyfriend was still searching for what may be out there, it was disturbing. The whole while he appeared to be very happy that we had found each other, however it is a lil insulting and hurtful when your guy continues to look at other women, all the while telling you and trying to show you how happy he is that he met you. The most disturbing thing about my boyfriends site when I learned which one he belonged to was that I met NONE of the criteria that he listed down when he listed what type of women would be “ideal for him”. Believe me I was not snooping I was extremley suprised that he would communicate with other women in a sexual way when I imagined I was the person he wanted to contact and talk to and all the while he was up late on the laptop while I would be sleeping, looking for what he felt was someone better I’ve learned that if you are truley happy with the person you are with, there really is not anybody else that you would have an interest in I was asking for more heartache to continue a relationship with someone that could not bring themselves to discontinue the converstations, especially when I did confront him and let him know that if we were in a serious relationship and it did not work out with us, it’s not like he cannot go back and rejoin these sites. I feel it makes some of us women feel that we are not good enough for the man that initially picked us in the first place. No I don’t believe that he ever met up with any of these women but I felt it was disrespectful to me to pretend as though he was an unattached man and he really was not because we were together. I don’t beleive many people are looking to cheat when they are on these sites but I always felt that the sites were for you to meet someone and once you have met someone, discontinue your search. I know it made me feel as though I was not good enough for him therefore I broke up with him and wished him well with his method of intenet dating or “looking” because prior to being with me anyone that he did meet on any of these sites the relationship was very short lived according to him so it kind of tells me that he was not all that successful with keeping a woman, finding one is easy but to keep her around and make her feel appreciated can be a challenge for some men

Comment by baygirl
2009-11-08 21:55:28

I keep finding my boyfriend on these sex/dateing websites and im not sure how i feel about it, alot of what you are saying here makes some sense but i feel so angry when i find it, and i always catch him little lies, hes lies about things i wouldnt think you wuld need to lie about like why it took an hour to meet me somewhere that takes 5 mins. He tried to sleep with my friend awhile but i forgave him, do you think he’s just full of —- ? When i confront him about the sites he just says he made it a long time ago when i caught him the first time but the dates say otherwise, he doesnt have a picutre or much filled out in his profile but still.. he says he loves me but how do you love someone that you cant be honest with? Also he lied about hooking up with another girl “apparently” he made it all up when i got upset when he told me. It makes no sense, why would you want your gf to think you were with another girl?


Comment by kb
2009-11-27 20:25:42

i have the same problem as most of you ladies. I am crazy in love with my boyfriend of a year & a half and i coldn’t be happier. i see it in his eyes when he looks at me and talks to me that he feels he same way about me too. but what has been causing me terrible pain is that since we started dating, i keep finding him on dating websites. the first few i found were not exactly unintentional, he left his email signed in and when i went to check my own email it was there, and included in the first page of emails were links to dating sites, so yes being a paranoid girl i had to look, and i dont think ive regretted something so much in my life! seeing the things he msgs other girls still to this day after a year and a half, brings tears to my eyes. about 3or4 months ago i thought it was all over until about a week ago my mom oddly enough was checking a dating website that she found her ex husband on, she found my boyfriend. of course she told me and said i need to talk to him about it, but i dont have the guts!! how do i bring this up??? HELP! he doesnt like to have serious conversations and often blows up and turns it around on me in situations like this, but im desperate! i need help!!!! i know (i hope) he doesnt and hasnt met any of the ppl hes msgd but it hurts me so bad to see it and read it.. someone plz respond!

Comment by kyla1288
2010-02-25 11:35:29

hey i just wanted to let you know i am dealing with this exact situation. I found the links in my boyfriends email the exact same way you did, and it was the worst feeling i have ever had. He didnt actually subscribe, and that was the card he played when i brought it up to him, but he doesnt have a credit card.. so i continue to wonder if he would have subscribed if he could have. He basically said that he was curious to see what kind of people use those sites, and he explained the ashley madison one (the worst one) by saying that he was just looking because he heard on the news that Tiger Woods got caught on there. When i tried to talk to him about it, he madeit seem like i was crazy, insecure, and snooping through his stuff. He compared it to me going to bars, where i can look at guys and talk to them if i want. Obviously this is ridiculous because people go to bars with friends, to socialize, to dance, for lots of reasons than to meet people of the opposite sex. I havent broken up with him, mainly becuase i want to believe that he loves me and wouldnt do anything to hurt me. He promised to not log into those sites anymore, and im choosing to believe him until i have reason not to. My problem with your situation is that he did it a second time. Clearly im not one to judge, but i believe that regardless of why he did it in the first place, the fact that he did it AGAIN, after knowing how much pain and hurt he caused you the first time, is a really bad sign. If i catch my bf doing something like this again, there won’t be another chance.

you need to say to him.. i cared about you enough to let this go for the sake of our relationship, but obviously you dont value our relationship or my feelings becuase you took a huge risk and continued this behaviour which you knew killed me the first time! How can you expect me to trust you now?

fool me once, shame on you.. fool me twice, shame on me.

Comment by Callie
2010-01-13 20:35:17

Hey guys & dolls, I am in the same situation..kind of. I found my boyfriend on a dating site about a year ago and went full on crazy! It was war and then I realized, we’re not married–you do what you feel you need to do and if you can find better than me–hats of to you (knowing full well he can’t find better). I’m attractive, very successful, established and can take care of myself, he’s very attractive as well and is always boasting on his ego, but his success is not up to par with mine and I think he has insecurity issues. He needs a constant boost of an ego from anyone–it could be a $2 hooker with a $3 haircut and he’ll still get a boost. Why? B/c he’s a man! Men are men and I am by no means excusing their behavior nor do I condone cheating, but at the end of the day you have to ask yourself what’s really important. Is being a crazy paranoied person going to make life easy for you? Or is putting your foot down and moving forward? Men are Men and Women are Women. If you love this person and are sleeping with this person and THEY are the ones doing WRONG, why are you beating yourself up over talking to them or putting your foot down? If they leave, they leave.
My boyfriend’s response was, “the internet isn’t real. I don’t think of that stuff as real life.” Classy answer..pahleeze…we’ve been together 5 years and we’re only human. Every now and then it’s ok to look, it’s the touching you have to worry about :-)

good luck ladies. Don’t get yourself lost in any man or anyone. Life’s too short and you’re too special!

Comment by yadalb
2010-02-25 12:31:03

I found an email from a russian female to my hubby. He responded to her a couple of times. I confronted him. It is one of those phony emails where the female sender is trying to get money. Anyway, I asked him how did she get his email. He stated that he didn’t know, usually it is spam, but this one went right to his yahoo email, he said I knew it was one of those emails trying to get money, so I wanted to see how far it would go. Can this happen without signing up to one of these single sites?

Comment by yadalb
2010-02-25 12:35:47

My husband responded to an email he received from a russian female. He said the email showed up in his in box and she wanted to talk. He said he knew it was a scam for money, but wanted to see how long it took for “her” to ask for money. Sure enough it was. But my question is: Can one of these emails from some russian chick just show up in your inbox and you can just respond without signing up to some singles site? This sounds fishy.

Comment by Zika
2010-03-07 02:09:11

Hi everyone!

I have a similiar story. I have been dating my boyfriend for years now, I did cheat on him once it was stupid and I am totally sorry this ever happened. He took me back, and we have been coping with it, it has not been easy, but he eventually forgave me and things were going well again. However, this week I was browsing the web and I saw his name on a dating website called “”, sending messages on his board and telling the girls to add him on msn, I felt sick and betrayed and stupid. Now I know what it is like to be cheated on! I have not yet confronted him with this, as I know he will play the “you cheated too” card. But, I did tell him that I was insecure on whether one day he would find someone else and leave me, trying to see what he said. The thing is, he keeps telling me he loves me and nothing is wrong….and on the other hand I cannot talk about this incident with him, I dont think its worth talking about, perphaps he created this profile while we were in that “bad place” after I cheated :( I dont know what to do!

Comment by Alex
2010-04-06 12:40:20

ladies, & Gents
If your man is on “dating sites”… i would be a bit thrown back? Why? i can understande porn. But it does seem really odd that they would look around. Like they are pursuing. Window shopping for that GREAT sale! why would they even go there if they already have it? If its the porn thing, yes i understand that men and even women have an erotic side. that sometimes they may feel embarrsed to share with their partner. But datng site. Cmon ladies really

Comment by
2010-04-15 09:16:17

Caught my boyfriend on dating sites – very explicit sex talk – from a guy that probably satisfies himself via webcam – and photos of desperate women in lingerie in his photo file – time to “quick him to the curb” – too busy making love on the internet to satisfy his partner – what’s up with that!!!!!

Comment by Renee
2010-05-02 06:29:08

Wow. I just spent 30 minutes reading everyone’s responses. The overall theme is that when someone finds their partner on a dating site, they feel betrayed or hurt, while the person who is actually on the site gives excuses. I am saddened at what has become so commonplace: the replacement of true connections with the easy (I call it “junk food”) turn-on because of the internet. The internet has given us the ultimate escape, sometimes this is good but often it isn’t. If the person on these sites spent half of that time trying to actually please their partner, they might be surprised at the result. I don’t want to judge, but I generally feel that anyone who is on a dating site AND is in a “committed” relationship is up to no good. What they don’t realize, is the grass is NOT greener on the other side. What they are doing is ultimately destroying their current relationship by not doing what everyone seems to find so difficult: actually work at it.
Good luck to all of you out there. My only advise: if your gut tells you its wrong, its wrong.

Comment by Louise123
2010-06-04 06:08:52


I have been where you are – 4 years…… I bought the excuses (I wanted to believe…. duh)…..we were engaged SO many times but always split because of some woman’s email – receipts from restaurants/bars that he didn’t take ME to, gifts for THEM that he’d never get for me…. Yes, I put up with ALOT because I loved this man….. Finally, the disrespect, neglect, and selfishness got to me. I couldn’t deny anymore.
I finally dumped him- and as posted, previously, he tried to blame me for having no trust ( duh), snooping *( duh, we SNOOP because they LIE), etc. etc. He replaced me pretty quick ( had been on an online dating site (PAYING) – all the while we were engaged pretending to be SINGLE – and so he already had one lined up. That made it easier for me to leave, knowing I had NO value to him except for what he could get. Money/Sex/Love/Cooking/Cleaning/blah blah blah….. He bought sex toy for some “FRIEND” for $138.00 but couldn’t afford to buy ME or his Grandsons Xmas presents? It just got worse. If it feels WRONG, it IS.. I’d rather be alone and HAPPY than with an A**hole who doesn’t appreciate me or give one flying fig newton about my feelings. You need to
love YOU before they will love you back. Period.

Comment by Alex
2010-06-06 16:36:34

So I just ran into a semi similar situation myself. My relationship has been going great for almost a year and my bf is everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. I’m a woman in my 30’s who’s never been married and I feel like he could be the guy I walk down the aisle with. Until, I found out that he is posted on a free online dating site. I asked him about it 3 weeks ago and he said it was really old and he just never deleted it. I believed him and he seemed truly sorry for anything to damage our trust. A week later, I decided to be sneaky and set up an account on the same website with a fake picture to see if he would communicate with me and what his communications looked like. At first nothing until I found something that caught his interest. He has been responding back & forth with this “fake” profile for 2 days now but with absolutely no sexual undertones whatsoever and no mention of a date or ever meeting up. The conversations are completely friend like. My problem is even if the conversations stay completely neutral………why are you looking or browsing on an online dating site, especially after you were so concerned about damaging the trust that we have. I am 95% sure that he’s never met or gotten together with anyone on here but I really feel horrible about the fact that he seems to be looking for something better. I am scared to bring it up to him again, as I am not sure he will tell me the truth. All I want to know is, why are you looking for something else when you tell me you love me?? Is it ok to ask that and not spill the beans about the fake profile??

Comment by young25
2010-07-18 14:12:37

I am going through the same situation and I did the same thing and I still have no anwser for the situation?

Comment by young25
2010-07-18 14:10:27

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while recently I found out he has a full blown profile on a dating site. we argue about it constanly he complains he doesn’t need it but it want delete it today I told him either delete it are lose me and basically we argued about it and he still hasnt deleted it. The profile says he is single, has plenty of pictures of him asya he is looking for a long term relationship and everything else. Evrytime I bring it up he says everybody who messages him he tells he has a girlfriend which I know is a lie, we basically live together, he loves me=y kids we have a good time. Hes caring, sweeting and very supportive. we are even trying for a baby of our own but I cant get pass this what should I do? should I let him go for this since we cant agree are accept the situation for what it is?

Comment by CAJeffO
2010-10-04 10:59:15

Investing your “Heart” into a relationship where your partner is either shopping or obviously thinking of shopping is not wise. At least confront him on the issue.

But, If I were in your situation I would consider other options. Don’t be his play toy. You deserve better.

Comment by irin
2010-10-28 02:54:27

hi everyone,
i am at work and cant do much or concentrate, my hands start shaking again from the thought of what happened yesterday.
i feel so bad, ashamed about it that couldn’t even tell my friend. i googled ‘my boyfriend visits dating sites’ and came across here. thank you so much for sharing your stories, otherwise i dont know how i was going to continue the day, i needed to talk about this.
we recently broke up, and it was one of the 100’s break up’s we did in the last 5 years. for the last couple of weeks he was following me from work and calling everyday asking to talk to him and to come back to him. i finally gave up after tons of promises that he cant live without me and he has done lots of thinking and it is going to be different from now on. i also feel the same and love him a lot. that is why i returned to living with him. it was just 4 days ago that i moved back in. and yesterday, by a pure chance i came across sites he visited and was shocked to find out that he was at this site for searching women locally. He was there today, yesterday, last week , week before and all the way till last june…. you know i would maybe understand if he did it some of those times when we were in break up mode, or if it happened once, but what shocked me most is that he did it everyday even after i moved in just few days ago. so we sleep together, love each other, hug,kiss, i go to work and he goes to log on to that site…. it is so painful for me. i cant believe he actually was doing it. i want to believe it wasn’t him, or in something else. I can see that he was talking to some girls who are just 19, or had same name like me and same horoscope star. i thought i was going crazy when realizing more that he didnt just look for people anywhere , but he was searching locally. which makes me only imagen on what he was expecting from his search or what he have achieved from talking to all this women. i am so devasted…… i confranted him right away and he said that it is how he was spending his free time and i am overreacting. to me it is pure betrayal. i now have to again move out and hopefully it is my last ever time i did this stupid decision to come back to him. i thank you for Renee’s great advise ‘if your gut tells you its wrong, its wrong.’ thanks everyone. btw, im ukrainian, please forgive some of the mistakes.

Comment by Amy
2011-01-03 16:36:29

I know it’s about a year late, but regardless of how ‘serious’ your relationship is, honesty is always key! We all make mistakes, and it is good to look and not touch from time to time, makes life interesting. People are CONSTANTLY uptight and paranoid about how everyone else is feeling…if you truly aren’t happy, SAY something, but if you’re ‘people watching’ online…it is true that it’s almost like sitting in the food court of the mall or at a Starbucks or something…think about it! Doesn’t matter if you’re ‘casually dating’ or ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ for 5 years…as long as you don’t have a ring on your left finger!

Comment by MATT
2011-01-21 08:52:09


Comment by erin
2011-02-08 20:56:21

I am shocked by how many of us have the same problems. My now ex had been signing up on all sorts of dating websites, even CRAIGSLIST!!! That’s just dirty. Anyway, I did snoop on him all the time after I caught him talking to his ex girlfriend and he never once bothered to tell me. I had to find out from comments his ex wrote on his myspace page. He said they were just friends, and maybe they were only friends, but it still got me wondering. So, of course I snooped further and found soooo much more than I bargained for. I always told him if he wasn’t happy being with me that he could always just leave, no harm done. He chose to stay and even when I confronted him, he denied ever meeting any other woman in person, but I’m not so sure I believe that. At the time of all his shenannigans, I was pregnant and sick the entire time so I wasn’t up for sex at all. He said he didn’t need sex to be satieffort to change the snooping side of me. I don’t feel like I pushed him away but I could be wrong. The last two weeks we were together he fed me all kinds of crap like he loved me and wanted to adopt my kids. He even went so far as to have sex with me two days before he left me. I was completely blindsided. All because he said he couldn’t stop thinking about how I had spied on him. Point being………… if he loved me and didn’t have anything to hide he wouldn’t have signed up for all those dating sites. I DO NOT blame myself entirely. What a jackass he is. But whatever, he chose to move out of his own house because he is a big fat puss. No guts no glory. Lol. He had no guts so therefore he will get no glory. I’m happier without him. I’m doing just fine alone in his house.

Comment by Sandra
2011-03-10 18:22:09

I was with my boyfriend for several years before I finally got the courage to put myself first. He was on several single dating sites and sex sites, even went so far as putting up a profile on a foreign dating site wanting to meet this woman telling her she is exactly what he is looking for. My heart was shattered to say the least, I was devastated. He is a player that can go play elsewhere.

Comment by Sarah
2011-03-23 23:41:30

I have been battling with this problem with my boyfriend now for over a year – we have been together a long time and I thought it was love at first site. Everytime it happens he begs me to take him back, he cries, he promises – and then he forgets to “think”. I can’t ascertain whether I am overreacting. His messages are completely neutral – although he does have a gold membership on his dating site. He always says that he has just got out of a relationship – but in reality we have just moved in together. I know this must stop, I just can’t help but give him the benefit of the doubt. Here is the email that I just sent him (upon discovering 107 sent emails in the last week in his outbox):

When I look into your eyes I see passion, love and kindness. I could stare into those eyes for hours. I see that you feel the same way that I do about you. I feel your warmth and calmness, and feel at peace. I tell myself that because of this, that everything will be ok, no matter what.

My brain keeps telling me this, over and over, but my heart is breaking – more and more – each time I doubt my trust for you, each time I discover something new. The damage continues, but can it be repaired? Does my boyfriend want to repair – or is he looking for something else, someone else’s eyes to look into? If he is, I wish him well, love and happiness. But if he isn’t, the trust has to begin, and the blame has to stop.

I hate the suspicious person that I have turned into. I feel secure in my own right, but desperately need to trust. I understand that you are curious, and you want to talk to new people and discover what others are like. I want to believe you love me and that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. I have cared about you enough to forgive you twice already for doing this, for sending endless counts of messages and txts to girls – and for deceiving me. Third time lucky, Caleb. Who will be lucky, me or you? If you want your freedom, it’s yours to take. I don’t want to hold you back. I want you to be happy. If that involves these dating sites and talking to other girls, then you’ll have to count me out. I am so saddened that you’ve broken your promise to me, for want of some fake internet communication with local girls that I probably know. A connection vs a quick turn on? Although your communications with these girls stay completely neutral, I cannot justify any excuse as to why you would chat in the first instance, knowing exactly how much it would hurt me. You say you want to be with me, but your actions show something different.

The point is that if you are into this relationship, then you should have no problem losing the online dating voyeurism, and whatever flimsy excuses you give me are irrelevant—if you cannot give it up, even knowing that it upsets me, then you are not the person I thought you were.

I’m not overreacting, I’m not paranoid, and I desperately hate being a snooper. You know me – I need trust.

If anyone has any guidance or help on this – it would be so appreciated.

Comment by Simmy
2011-04-28 01:56:34

Hi Kara
I am not married, but have discovered my boyfriend doing exactly the same, just a month ago…and he said he mostly just chats with other women to get advice ect….
it completely ate me up- i joined the same site and stalked him!
but its just not making me feel any better….

so im concentrating on myself….building my esteem!
i agree with you!! no reason to go through this pain!

Comment by Simmy
2011-04-28 02:46:41

Hi there
i did the same thing this morning, my bf and i met on a dating site 3 years ago and when i was checking his new iphone i came across the site and was livid.
so this morning i went into his profile and he described what he seeks in a women.

when i confronted me he said he has been there for so long and all the people he speaks to are married and his not hiding anything.
but WHY is he there??

he says sometimes he needs to speak to other women. this hurts me and makes me wonder why other aspects of our relationship are not going well…

but all i can say is…… dont spy! i created a profile, made contact with him and decided….to just let it go!
his there…and i cant change what will happen!

i will remain happy- pray and leave my life in Gods hands….
it does hurt me alot…. but his made up his mind….its only friendship. if its that i trust him…if he messes up, its on him…
i will find love again!

be positive ladies!!!!

Comment by Matt
2011-06-13 12:27:00

I dated my girlfriend for 7 years and 9 months. On the fifth year I saw a Myspace message from her to an old boyfriend saying she couldn’t wait to have sex with him again. I was definitely heartbroken and confronted her about this and she cried and begged me to forgive her. Like an idiot I did and kept dating her. Fast forward to May 11th of this year, she calls me and simply says “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t talk to you anymore and I can’t see you anymore.” And she hangs up in my face >:( I haven’t heard from her since but I couldn’t help but think “I caught her doing sneaky horrible stuff and SHE LEAVES ME!” I also just found out that during the last year of our relationship she was sending pictures of herself to different guys as well as receiving pictures from guys. Nothing explicit but thefact still remains that she said she would never do anything like that again. She was my best friend for over 11 years….girlfriend for 7years 9 months and fiancee for a little over 2 years and she drops me like that. Wtf

Comment by Brigitte
2011-07-25 14:00:47

Thank you!!

Comment by Brigitte
2011-07-25 14:12:27

You sound like a great guy, sorry to hear that your going through this. Its funny because there is so much garbage out there and men who just don’t care.

Comment by Hmmm
2011-09-17 05:41:07

Has anyone given thought to those women legitimately on those websites who are looking for a single guy and these men have their profiles on there lying about being single???? How frustrating is it that you find someone interesting and find out later you wasted your credits on some guy who was just “woman watching”. Get off the singles sites if your not single or your not looking to date or get into a relationship.

Comment by liz
2011-09-27 02:28:07

My boyfriend does it, lies about it, says he would never meet up with anyone and i don’t know what to do. We hardly have sex, he says i push him too much and i’m pushing him away and that i have a higher sex drive then him….. but he must be thinking of sex most days as he goes on line most days! He says he does it when he has things on his mind and it’s fantasy, as he is shy in real life and needs a lot of leading in sex….. the rest of our relationship is perfect and i love him so much….. what should i do?

Comment by sam
2011-10-06 03:18:27

Well said …

Comment by lindsay
2011-10-07 09:30:41

omg this sounds like me my cbf looks at porn but the sex dating websites magically pop up and he says there pop upos yet there in his browsing history and i tell him if there just pop ups then how do they get in your history he says because he clicks on them well duh then your signing up for them.i also caught him signing up for craigslist personal plento fish and this just in today on mean wtf we have a 9 month old i know how you feel

Comment by lyla
2011-11-30 09:31:07

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years, we live together and we always talk about getting married and having kids and today he left his phone at home and got a text message from a girl (he’s told me is in love with him etc) i know it wasn’t my place to look but when i opened his phone it was on plenty of fish so i looked at his profile and it said he travels back and forth but was “looking for a reason to stay”… he tells me he loves me everyday and is so caring… i believe him when he tells me all these sweet things and i cant picture my life without him but would i be stupid to forgive him?

Comment by aaron
2011-11-30 23:25:37

I have been seeing a girl for near on 3 years now and on neumorous occasions found that she has been on dating sites and when ever we have broke up she has met guys she has been talking to . Women can also be devious i loved the women and she treats me like that . I wouldnt mind but i have had a hand full of oppertunites myself and not straied well maybe its time i met a women who respects herself and me .

Comment by Lee
2011-12-28 08:35:37

I’m sorry so many of you have this problem. Men who do this are wrong, and it doesn’t matter what excuse they say. If they are looking at dating sites then why are they committed to someone else? IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.

Comment by bess
2012-01-31 15:46:09

in the end I guess what it really comes down to is…can you live with what they want to bring to the table. Personally I am not willing to build a life with a man who can walk in one day and say, guess what I did it, I found the one now off you go. That would not be his best day. I found my boyfriend’s single profile and the humor is it was all women his age making contact, he is 51, no young hottie’s for him.

And just for the record, if to keep a man I have to maintain my girlish figure and put out on his demand, while he does nothing to maintain his appearance and the sex isn’t that exciting on his part, then I would prefer to be single thanks, I’ll get all dolled up and put out on my terms and hire someone to mow the grass.

I am tired of hearing how women need to do this this and this to keep her man happy. Sorry guys you can run a good woman off quick…just keep treating her like she isn’t.

Comment by cheyenne
2012-03-06 00:35:36

You are so right girlfriend! I left my x fiance because of dating websites and talking to his x girlfriend iam so over dating websites it is just a playing field. He lied to me from the beging i was stupid to take him back after a 2 year relationship i just decided to move out while he was at work and not tell him i just didnt want to settle anymore had enough. ANd i knew i deserved better than that. Also i knew he would be on more once i blew him off. and of course hes looking just like his past a repeat in itself setting himself up for failure again. I am glad i dont have to go through that anymore.

Comment by sol
2012-03-16 17:31:53

well,if i was you i will ask him 2 delete the profile,other wise i will leave him very simple.i am a man and,i know hw most men think!

Comment by sol
2012-03-16 17:38:35

well,he must delete the profile that he posted ,if he doesn’t leave him very simple!

Comment by ilene
2012-04-05 23:52:00

I can relate to you alot , I am also 20 years younger than my boyfriend of 5 years now .. and I caught him on dating sites almost 3 years ago and confronted him , he turned the whole thing around on me and even though i knew i was right, ii was the one apologizing for saying to him “i don’t even know who you are ,,, I thought i knew you”
he just over powers me with manipulation.. i am still with him, and i still find the same bullshit only now im scared to say anything because i dono if i could really leave him or how to be alone anymore I am really young and he takes care of me ……and i dono it is really hard. I am a sweet , shy, layed back loving person .. Im young and beautiful, and everyone tells me that all the time but im stuck and confused and i really dont fully trust anyone anymore …. anyways i could go on and on thats just a brief summary of my situation I just can relate to your story in ways

by the way anyone freshly finding out about a boyfriend doing this i say get out while you still can just go because it will always be in the back of your mind and trust is the most important thing in a relationship and once it is broken even just a little it never feels the same with that person

Comment by Anon
2012-04-11 10:37:17

you made me smile whilst i was reading your happenings. im going to fo the same to the site i found my partner on. thankyou for the strength. he told me it was to piss me off! it bloody worked. time to alter his profile for some sort of satisfaction. my god i love the sneaky bastard.

Comment by Sin
2012-04-12 11:35:37

You make a really valid point, thank you for the insight into why some men look on these sites. My situation is a little different, my man is making profiles all over these sites and sometimes more than one. I’ve confronted him, asked him if he wanted a way out of our relationship, asked if he wanted something more than I could give. I am strong enough to take whatever answer he gives even though I love him dearly I would rather be without him than with him and not be what he wants.

My trust in him has faltered. I wonder what he is doing online behind my back, who he is texting and emailing. Can’t help it, part of me just can’t fully trust him anymore. I don’t want to be hurt but I would rather be hurt with honesty from the start then deceit down the road. I’ve invested 2 plus years into this man, his family, his children and friends and as I said I love him so very much.

I want to add to that I don’t look through his wallet, email or anything else. I would not want someone to do that to me so I would never do it to anyone else. I found out about his online antics from a friend who was registered on a couple of sites. It hurts, hurts alot. I don’t go online trolling and I don’t buy magazines to look at hot men or anything else…doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate attractive people but my man is the only man I want, the only man I love and I don’t need to obsess or check out other good looking guys as I have everything I desire in my man.

Comment by ashika
2012-04-29 05:59:19

Today i came home opened our laptop found my husband registration on a dating site he had left the page opened he registered 2 days back and had msged couple of local girls noone had replied to him..i confronted him about it he denied it..i have bin with him for 9 years no kids.this has never happened before i don’t know what to believe.We have had a great relationship never any issues like this.Right now i feel like somthing has snaped inside me i want to believe that he hasnt done that but my brain is saying dont be stupid. please help me.i havnt bin able to stop cryin.

Comment by Sally
2012-05-01 08:38:54

Ugg – this is a great site and what is amazing is that so many people are going through similar situations. The worst part of it all is if you find your partner has signed up to a dating web site and has filled in a profile you will never know if it’s for real or if it’s curiosity just to see what’s out there. They will lie if asked. I have problems with trust and spend hours going through bills, emails, phones etc etc and it is eating me up. I hate being like this. So, where do people go to for help? I love my man but I’m finding it difficult to trust him. Part of me wants to believe it is just idle browsing but it’s got to the point that when I’m away I can’t enjoy myself because I think he’s following up women on websites. When one has invested in a relationship for 9 years it’s not so easy to just dump someone. Any advice gratefully received!

Comment by Renee
2012-05-13 17:13:06

I just had this happen to me just 2 days ago. Filling out some application for my boyfriend who is now and ex…to help with some jobs opportunity…I see all e-mail from and his face is over in his profile….the women have the private parts as the profile picks….and then I read the e-mail that he has sent to them tell them their vagina look magnificient, he using the pet names he calls me he using them on these skanks….am I pissed yes….then when confronted….he lies and tell me that he doesn’t know what I am talking about….so I copy the e-mail they sent went into the profile…..and I told him what he said to each and every one of them….he even went so far as to give one of the skanks his street name….he claims he didn’t give her the number. I don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t want to be with me…..and if you felt like I was good enough for you sexually then you should have said way before I invest 8yrs into your sorry behind. I have been there for him through thick and thin, crazy baby mother drama, cars keyed, number being changed….all of it…..and you have been a major part of my son’s life for 8 of those years….if you weren’t happy you should have said something…..because I have been crying, not eating since I broke up with him….and do you think he even tried or attempt to explain….to fight NOPE! So I have blocked my number and he better not even think about calling me…..He keeps texting me, talking about he never meant to hurt anyone……he said he was just curious…….well you have more than enough time to be chat online, off line, hookup with anyone you please now….because you will never have another like me……thats for sure…..So I would move on…it hard to do….but you will be ok. Any man who wants to speak with a women who is blantly putting body parts on the internet is nasty and the men who have girlfriends, wives, etc, are just as Nasty and Dirty, and Trifevalent as they are…..

Comment by Jenn
2012-06-04 14:16:16

ive been married just one year,but 2 days after getting married a girl came round and said she had been seeing my hubby for 1 week before the wedding,he even met up with her and was with her till 3am on the day i didnt know any of this……i was devastated,she brought me 21 pages of emails between them i muight as well not of existed they were planning sex and meet ups ,and an affair,this girl even turned up at our wedding reception for a drink i had no clue at all,i kicked him out then……foolishly took him back after he begged and begged forgiveness…….but this year of marriage ive since found out he goes on loads of porn sites,and has actually been web camming on camfuze,goes on livejasmin and has signed up on a dating site…..needless to say im done i cant trust him anymore….yes its hard cos i do love him but my marriage turned out to be a nightmare after finfding out all this,so i think leopards dont change their spots……. do you think im right in leaving,he’s been begging and crying etc but i cant go on with uncertainty anymore.

Comment by StraightDope
2012-07-02 02:59:25

This might sound weird, but I have signed up on several dating websites and local hookup websites to see if I knew anyone. Every time I’ve done it I’ve signed up as a woman (I’m a man) simply because I really am not looking to find anyone in real life, I’m looking for something I find a bit more sinister; I’m looking to mock those that are desperate enough to make dating profiles and the sort. It might make me a dick, but I am honestly not looking to cheat.

I told my long term girlfriend about one website where I put two fake pictures of different women that was getting hounded by men and she seemed to not believe me. When I brought it up I hadn’t even considered the idea that she would interpret this as anything more than it was, but I certainly did once I saw the look on her face.

We talked about it a little bit more, as I could tell she was uneasy about it, and I’m pretty sure she trusts me enough to believe me when I am telling the truth.

I didn’t write this as some sort of defense for the person in the article or anything like, I just thought it should be known it isn’t always the case that the person is lying when they say they are just looking to see if there are people they know.

Comment by Jess
2012-07-14 09:33:17

I recently found my common law spouse using sexpersonals websites, now I know we werent able to have sex for 6 weeks after our son was born but he still got oral sex, Im really quite bothered by this as it wasnt like i didnt wanna have sex its cause i couldnt with doctors orders
I guess my question is, Is my boyfriend cheating i mean why is he using sex personals websites why dosnt he just watch porn instead as porn I have no problem with its these other dating type sitesthat have me worried.

Comment by Hurt again and again
2012-07-19 22:19:18

I am losing my mind too!!
My boyfriend lives in the US and I’m in Canada. He wants us to live together forever. BUT after finding him on porn and dating sites months ago, I don’t trust him. Tonight I signed up for a bunch and found him with a new profile added this week!! I am horny and love to Skype sex with him. Why not use me? Why go on a dating site? Is he trying to hook up? You know how many weekends he’s “fallen asleep” early and missed calling me!!! So I’m devestated and can handle porn sites. But dating sites are to look for a hook up or new partner.
What if I moved with my 2 kids to be with him? Then he cheated and I’m left with nothing! I used my fake profile to message him lets see if he takes the bait. I already look crazy when I think he’s up to no good on weekends. So I need proof. Him responding to me. I have no picture up but will add it when he takes the bait.

I can’t live like this any more. I don’t know how you all do it. I have lived worried for almost a year paranoid all the time. How can you all
Stay when you’re not number 1? I love him more than anything in the world next to my kids. I don’t know how I’ll move on but I can’t accept not being the one who turns him on. I want him to think of me as the last woman he ever wants to be with. True love

I’ll update once he takes my bait and let you all know what happened.

Comment by Lulu
2012-09-02 09:13:22

My boyfriend and I met on an online dating site. When we met, I did not realize how many dating sites he was on. We have been together for almost two years now. We get along pretty well, but sometimes we get into a fight. Whenever we fight, he always goes onto a dating site and browses. I am thinking of marrying him, and I am frustrated that he is looking online.

Comment by Carolyne
2012-09-03 05:06:48


Some men and women dont have the DECENCY to break up with someone first, when they really are looking for someone else.

They cant imagine a world of being lonely and single, because that would be too traumatizing to his ego. I broke up with him before and he would not let go trying to get me back, when we get back together, hes back to disrespecting me and talking rudely to me the very next day. Really what was going on is his EGO cannot handle getting dumped, so he does ANYTHING IN THE WORLD to have me back, and when he does, well deep down he knows things are still dysfunctional so he SHOPS ON THE SIDE. PATHETIC. Because once that girl with the bigger tits/blonder hair/younger face and him start talking, and he feels promising about that girl, he will all of a sudden be the one to leave you! And he wont feel lonely or care because he ALREADY HAS SOMEONE ELSE

Let me tell you girls:

*”When I show you who I am the first time, believe me”

Comment by Jenni
2012-09-21 05:37:49

I saw my boyfriend had joined one of these sights yesterday when I signed into hotmail and it was logged into his still. When I confronted him he said he hadn’t done it and somebody else must have made it using his details as it was ‘physically impossible’ for it to be him as he was in work at this time. He has done it before and was actually talking to girls and had favourited girls on the other profile this time. He then blamed his brother saying that they had done it for a laugh. I chose to forgive him the first time but what do I do now? I’m so confused I don’t know whether to believe what he’s saying because in my head I’m telling myself he’s lying.

Comment by blessed lanky
2012-10-06 06:03:30

i am a humble man who is felt with heart broke by my girlfriend, one thing about life is this:
No one is trusted, anyways i need a girl who is lenient and trustful
That will give me long lasting love if interested please reply via my email:

Comment by Allyssa
2012-11-19 09:27:03

I saw that my boyfriend was getting emails from dating and flirting sites saying he has new matches and everything but I didn’t think too much of it because he could’ve used those sites a while ago and still have been getting mail all the time from them. It only alarmed me when I noticed that the only recently read email was a request for his old password from one of the sites. So when he came over this weekend I couldn’t remember how to act around him; my mind was all over the place, jumping to conclusions that he was cheating on me or looking for something better. I’m usually okay with him watching porn because even i do it from time to time but dating websites set me a little over the edge. I tried so hard to bring it up but I didn’t know how to without letting him know I invaded his privacy… I almost wish I weren’t so nosey because I wouldn’t feel this way but then again shouldn’t we be open with everything?

Comment by Gabriella
2012-12-27 09:44:20

Reading these comments are 50/50 in whether to forgive a man for talking to other girls and adding themselves on dating websites, I have no idea on what im going to do. I’ve only been with my boyfriend for a year and have recently found out that for more than half the time we were together he was talking to his ex girlfriend everyday, when i confront him about this he just reply’s with ‘it was ages ago im not talking to her now’ but it hurts because I’ve just found out but im not sure on how to handle the situation because it is in the past, i have never been paranoid or have low confidence but he has turned me into this paranoid angry person which is not like my personality at all!! He has also been on many sites on chatting and flirting to girls we do argue alot but its always sorted within at least three days so why would he feel the need to do this? it hurts so much that he would even consider being with another girl as he always says that he loves me and just wants to me with me so it really is confusing, because i do believe him when he says this, anyone one that meets him which is friends or family always says that he is a gentleman but they dont know what hes doing behind my back. I ended the relationship as he did something really bad and then two days later he added a girl on facebook and wanted to meet up with her? He explained that he doesnt want to be lonely and always wants someone to be there, so i wonder if he does actually love me or just loves the company. I do wish sometimes that I finished it along time ago and never got so much involved because im only young, i really dont know what to do.

Comment by Lisa
2013-01-02 13:38:48

Matt I know that this post is over a year old and I am sure that the wounds are getting healed if not healed already. I am sorry about that. I always thought that it was women that went through crap like that.

From reading this – I was heartbroken for you because it seemed like you really cared for this girl. I do hope and pray that you meet the girl of your dreams because there are some good women out there that are praying for someone like you. You will make her dreams come true and she will make yours come true.

Unconditional love exists. There is a scripture that always comes up in my head when I think that people are just mean and selfish bastards. It is in 2 Kings that gives me hope in humanity. God says, “There are 7000 that have not lifted up to baal (false God).” So in essence when it seems like the world is shit and the people in it are shit-ier that God has a ram in the bush. There are plenty of good people out there that wouldn’t dream of hurting you.

Hell I wish I could meet you – we could be best buds for sure. I am always looking for good people. What you hang around you tend to become. Hmm, saying that reminded me of my crap boyfriend who is on dating websites. This clown is changing his profile pics and everything. Geesh…anyway. Take care and happy 2013.

Comment by Chrissy
2013-02-12 18:31:37

Once a liar, always a liar. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I believe this applies to both men and women. I feel that lying and cheating are in someone’s character or they are not. Yes, they can even love you and want to keep you in their life while they pursue others for what ever reason. Bottom line is that it doesn’t matter how they want to live their lives…the liars and cheaters. What is acceptable to you?

If your dealing with one and are caught up in the emotional turmoil it brings, ask yourself is this what you want for your life? If you want peace, harmony and love in a relationship then don’t settle for less. It is a difficult move at times, ending a relationship. You receive the explanations, more lies, the spins put on the story. Once you out of it, your free from the weight of the stress and the self doubt you put on yourself. Move on, life is short and you never know what lies ahead for a more positive future.

I was caught up in the same bullshit, went back again because of more lies. Like they say Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!

Comment by Sabrena
2013-02-24 16:55:13

My boyfriend does the exact same and calls it passive entertainment. Does it bother me? A little. I would appreciate it if men were more upfront like this. He is my best friend and I respect his privacy because it is about trust. He tells me everything. I’m talking things I don’t care to hear at times but he’s never a jerk about it. He only wants to be 100% honest about who he is and I value that tremendously. My ex before him was constantly on sites and cheating. Besides I have my own profiles out there as well and it doesn’t seem to bother him too much. We have an amazing intimate relationship! Better than bunnies! He can look all he wants because I am confident that he won’t be able top what we have together. I keep him satisfied and I get my needs met in return. I’ve never been happier surprisingly.

Comment by carmen
2013-04-07 18:15:15

Omg i found something similar said on my boyfriends profile for a Hook up site its sick

Comment by sheress
2013-04-21 20:29:31

Truth be told men and women cheat I have seen couples married for 30 years and the man has cheated once or twice the woman just stuck be side him because she loved him and they have a great marriage. We don’t know why people cheat mostly because they are just fulfilling something for that moment. If you love him and you have not actually seen him with another person like hard core proof sick it out, Most of the advice your getting from with woman are the ones who are single or the feminist type they would not be quick to leave their man trust me. Every body is tough behind a keyboard just ask yourself what are you willing to put up with. Men are territorial and always will be. A man can love you and still be thrilled by the hunt of seeing if he can get another woman. Hang in there not because your desperate but because you love him, he will see that your worth not seeking another. Play the game tell him you want to see who you know since its so innocent and see his reaction that’s how you will know if he wants to be with you.

Comment by L.M.
2013-05-13 10:25:26

I am having this issue, we took a 3 month break and when i came back, I believe, he had used porn and masturbation and dirty talk from dating sites to get by.. Now he is USED to this way.. I dont believe he is cheating, he cant stay up for me! But now last night I found him on a local date site! I think he has a gut feeling cause he is being very nice.. LOL but I hurt everyday because he says its not me causing his hardon problem but then he can watch porn and ejaculate himself…. now the dirty talking in chats and dating sites!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!! We have been together 7+ yrs now and I truely love him and I dont believe he is cheating but it still hurts!

Comment by L.M.
2013-05-13 10:29:18

OMG, I acually changed his profile and he will be getting mess. from guys! He wants to play this way!!!!:-P

Comment by lushkitty70
2013-05-31 07:45:36

I did that to my boyfriends Mylife account. An ex girlfriend fron 30 years ago was looking for him. i found out he was talking to her and payed 350.00 to get her info. I was so pissed, i know all his passwords and i did exactly what you did. said he was gay, lol. Now i am finding sex dating websites in his spam folder. i managed to block most of them but these sites have several web addresses, so its hard to get all of them. he was getting up to 40 emails in his spam a day. said he didnt know why.(well, thats what he told me, as if i am that dumb. i was also wondering since i kept looking on these sited to find his email, if they were sending some of them because of me putting his email in the log in. i havent found anything he registered, but they are in his spam constantly. Laqst year i went on his email account and saw i put his email and password in and he was registered. I confronted him and he said that it was before we met. 10 years ago. he had web tv back then and really didnt know how to use a computer. I knew he was lying because he used his sons bmx license # as his password and he wasnt registered until 2 years after i got with him, so BUSTED. i feel stupid for staying, if i cant trust him.I dont want 10 years to be wasted if we can fix our problems. Also i found out that if your old man or wife signs into you tube during the day. They probably also use google web so if you sign in with their email and you know the password, you can track what they are looking at while they are on the i had about a year of info. This is where this started. he went to lunch and always eats in his car while he talks to me on the phone. I found in the month of october, 2 days he had off, another employee that used his office had gone on his computer and accessed craigslist for escorts and map quested a hotel right after. at first i freaked thinking it was him but then realized it was all in hispanic, even BING was switched to Latino. i checked up on my boyfriends days off and it definitely wasn’t him. But this dating website thing is driving me nuts.

Comment by lushkitty70
2013-05-31 07:47:48

The onl thing a woman needs to change if her boyfriend is cheating is…Her boyfriend!

Comment by Lily
2013-06-30 15:17:28

I am having the same problem with my boyfriend of 2 years and I don’t get it. He left his email open on my laptops and when he left I seen all his new profiles he registered on dating sites. He never paid for them but still Hurt!

Comment by Brittany
2013-09-14 22:27:47

Im having the same issue, I googled this to see if any other females went through this and sure enough they have. I check his email and all these sites he has regisyered for pops up. He yries telling me otherwise, that its a scambut it gives methe linkand his password and username which are what he uses on many sites so that is a lie. Whenever we go a few days to a week or so without sex this happens and im getting sick of it. If your looking elsewhere then leave already!!!

Comment by SKay
2013-11-26 02:55:15

I am having a similar issue with my man. We have been together a little over a year and a half and he is still getting on multiple dating websites and browsing picture/profiles of local single women. I found the proof on his phone months ago and confronted him about it. He said it’s a “problem and he is working on it” 7 almost a year later he is still doing it. He says he loves me and that I have nothing to worry about, I’m all he wants, blah blah blah but I just don’t see why I guy madly in love spends so much time looking at local/single,nude woman all the time. It’s not just 1 or 2 websites, there are dozens! I have even seen a link to really young girls nude pics and that makes me sick because he has 2 teenage daughters and I’m sure he wouldn’t want some perverted guy trolling the internet for nude pics of his kids! He has never said anything to me about going through his phone or computer because he always goes through mine but I don’t care because I have absolutely nothing to hide. I even found a text on his phone from a girl he used to sleep with and he was asking her to send him a pic of herself. I also know he has been messaging girls on facebook and trying to hide it from me. I let him read all my facebook stuff, he even has my password because, like I said, I have nothing to hide! Sometimes I have trouble verbally expressing my feelings about this to him so when I saw the history on his phone the other night, I waited until I got home and wrote him an email telling him that I can’t handle this anymore. It hurts me entirely too much and if I have to wonder whether or not my man is still trolling local singles, then I will never truly be happy. He has not replied to the email but he is more of a face to face person so I guess I’ll see what he has to say tomorrow. All I know is, if he doesn’t stop, he and I are over. I WISH this crap didn’t bother me but I cannot help how I feel about it! He admitted he would be upset if I were doing the same thing to him so I just don’t understand why he continues to do something he knows hurts me. Please, somebody give me some advice about this, I don’t know what else to say or do. Thanks

Comment by Naomi
2014-04-28 13:23:05

I can relate to this, as I have been experiencing this.
He’s trolling sites for “discreet encounters”, sites like girlfriend escorts,
horny matches, all the ones you’ve seen.

First the anger, then the betrayal factor, it morphed from porn to chats to cyber acts to hook ups.
Now I am so sad that this intelligent man feels so obsessed to destroy what we have in the “real world” for fantasy.

it’s never going to stop, someone who is on the computor every minute you’re out of the house, when you’re sleeping, at the library…
no man is worth this,

Comment by abbey
2014-07-17 06:09:38

i found someone on catholicmatch believe it or not who lied about virtually everything and was with his girlfriend for 11 yrs and living with her. she is totally in love with him and he is a compulsive liar and manipulating her knowing she will never leave him. She cooks, cleans, pays the bills and sleeps with him and he is looking for many things on the side. Because she is not very attractive and overweight he is “saving” her by being with her in his house. Not so sure how people have it in them to be so deceitful and he is well in his 40’s. I would suggest everyone to leave a bf that is on a dating site or at the bars flirting, no explanations and there are good men out there.


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