I’m a big ole granola liberal and I wanted to tweak the tradition while showing my wife I love her.

USA Today ran an interesting article about a man who took his wife’s last name. According to a few other stories in the article it’s been happening somewhat commonly lately.

The newlyweds knew it would be surprising, but they never expected it to go quite so badly.
As Donna and Mike entered their wedding reception, an unwitting announcer told the expectant crowd, “Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together for the new Mr. and Mrs. Salinger!”

Some guests clapped, some chuckled at what they presumed was a joke and most looked at one another in confusion. The couple spent the entire reception and some of their honeymoon explaining to people what they had done.

The groom, you see, had started his day as Mike Davis and ended it by doing something precious few of his brothers-in-arms do: He took his wife’s last name instead of her taking his.

“Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought it would have caused as much of a stir as it did,” says Mike Salinger, 27, of Seattle, who was married in November. “We knew people might be surprised, but we figured they’d say ‘Huh’ and get on with it.

“Three months later, I’m still taking (flak) from one of my college roommates.”

As would I. I’ve heard a few other individuals half joking about taking their soon-to-be bride’s last name. Perhaps to be different, perhaps as a symbol of love, but in the end, I believe they’ll find the arrangement to be even more one-sided than marriage already is.

The Salingers broke a patriarchal tradition so ingrained in American society that many women’s studies researchers have yet to study it.

“I’m sure somewhere there’s some anthropologist or someone who has looked at this, but I don’t know of any,” says Nancy Lutkehaus, chair of the Gender Studies program at the University of Southern California. “It hasn’t been a large enough social phenomenon that it’s hit the radar as something to be studied.”

That may be coming. The California Legislature is set to consider a bill this month that would allow men to change their surnames upon marriage as seamlessly as women now can. Only seven states now allow a man who wishes to alter his name after his wedding to do so without going through the laborious, frequently expensive legal process set out by the courts for any name change. Women don’t have to do so.

The bill is co-sponsored by the ACLU of California as a follow-up to a federal lawsuit the civil rights group filed in December on behalf of Michael Buday, a Los Angeles man who wants to take on his wife’s surname, Bijon, to show his affinity for his father-in-law. He accuses the state of gender discrimination for forcing him into the more complex process.

“We have the perfect marriage application for the 17th century,” says ACLU attorney Mark Rosenbaum, who is litigating the case. Buday did not respond to requests for an interview. “Every place Michael went, he had the door shut in his face or he was ridiculed.”

Mike Salinger, who said it cost him about $350 to change his name legally, concedes he changed his name “because I’m a big ole granola liberal and I wanted to tweak the tradition while showing my wife I love her.”

I think that the one vital mistake that these men are making is that while it may be new and different to wear her last name, the legal proceedings involved in marriage, still tend to heavily favor the women with regards to spousal support, child custody, and overall marriage rights.

Additionally, speaking generally about human nature, women tend to look for mates which display typical alpha male qualities. Men who are independent, who lead rather than follow, and those who display strong qualities. Though there are always exceptions, I can’t help but feel that the joke about these man losing their ‘man card’ is pretty spot on. I have a feeling that eventually, whether the men realize it or not, their women may very well be tempted by someone who is more familiar with the things married women seem to want from a man.

Tags: marriage, divorce, men, women, relationships, husband, wife, alimony, last, name, child, support, sex, liberal, man, card