Time for Partner Sharing 101 – How To Have A Threesome.My Girlfriend Is Cheating On Me With Her Girlfriend!

Ugg,

I’ve always joked that my girlfriend and I should have some fun in bed sometime with another girl. She’s always been attracted to other girls, or at least pointed pretty girls out every now and then, but a lot of chicks do this so I thought nothing of it. A few weeks ago we were at a bar having some drinks with some friends when on the way to the bathroom my girlfriend got to talking to another girl. She came over to our table and we started drinking together and at the end of the night, she gave her a slip of paper with her phone number on it to my girlfriend.

I didn’t think anything of it at the time because they were girls and girls are always talking to each other. Then the MySpace messages went back and forth and they were having fun with each other. No big deal. But when they started hanging out, if they were drinking, one thing would lead to another and they would end up kissing at the end of the night. I thought this was hot and joked that I should get involved sometime. Well the next time, my girlfriend brought it up, the other girl agreed that it would be fun. Before I knew it, an entire night was planned!

This sounds great, but the problem is that after that night which was actually pretty awkward, things have been slipping off between my girlfriend and I. The experience was great, but balancing between the two girls made me have to think way too much to relax and enjoy. We’re usually a pretty ‘active’ couple in the bedroom but now she’s tired or just not interested which isn’t usual.

She thought I wouldn’t mind and answered truthfully that she’s been messing around with the other girl more on the side. Nothing like ‘sex’, but a lot more action than I’m getting.

Have I turned my great girlfriend into a lesbian? What do I do? We’re fighting more now and I feel a breakup coming on. I don’t want that.

I feel where you’re coming from. Having someone else join you and your girlfriend is hard to make work because of the jealousy factors. I’ve heard stories from a lot of folks who seem to have three major problems specifically. In these examples we’re going to focus on the guy/girl/girl setup.

Focusing Too Much On Your Girlfriend

Partly due to jealousy, partly due to obligation, the guy spends too much time with his girlfriend. This alienates the other woman and also makes it uncomfortable for the other woman to explore as well. Your girlfriend is in a bit of a bind because she’s also walking the jealousy tightrope. If she suggests that you spend more time with the other girl – she risks losing you to her. So most of the time, she’ll follow your lead if you’re spending too much time on her. As you pointed out, she can make up for that later, without the jealousy involving you. Wanting to explore the other woman in more detail could be the reason she’s spending more time with her. I’ll touch on that a bit later though.

Focusing Too Much On The OTHER Girl

This is the mistake most men make in this situation. The new car starts getting driven a lot more than the old car, so to speak. The jealousy ratio has to be carefully managed here for fun to be had by all. Spending too much time on her will not only make your girlfriend upset now, but could also lead to some retaliation down the road. Additionally, the other girl doesn’t want to speak out of turn, especially the first time, so she’s also likely to follow your lead. Notice a trend here? You’re in control since there’s only one of you.

Getting Left Out All Together

There is a movie called “The Sex Monster” that is about a man who gets his wife to have fun with another woman, only to lose her to women altogether. It’s usually a gradual slope, compounded by any existing issues in the relationship. Not only is the other girl an ‘escape’, but she’s also new, exciting, forbidden, and worst of all, comfortable. Once you got your girlfriend over the ‘hump’ by having the experience, you got rid of the social block that prevents most girls from messing around with each other. Because in a Guy/Girl/Girl setup everyone can play with everyone (where most men don’t do that in a Guy/Guy/Girl setup), it’s important for the odd person out (in this case the man), to control things so that everyone gets a piece.

What Should You Do? Is Your Girlfriend A Lesbian Now?

Depending on her personality type, she’s most likely just going through a phase. You mentioned the experience was awkward so one of the 3 issues may play a role here. Perhaps she’s figuring out what she likes about the girl, etc. Men are visually stimulated so beyond looks and body type, most men don’t even care if the woman speaks english or not as long as she’s hot. Women love to talk, bond, and experience together because women are technically communal creatures.

Biologically, women have always bonded emotionally and nurtured those bonds while the men bonded over hard work and production in general. As we’ve evolved into today’s society, many of our innate cravings for those bonds still drive our actions.

Partner sharing is not good for committed relationships. That’s the sad truth. Yours may be at an end now, but it could be a great opportunity for a friendship and more experiences down the road. If you do end things, I’d suggest that you say that you’re just not comfortable, but that you don’t want to stop her from discovering what she may be discovering with this other girl and that you think it’s best if you just step away before things get too heavy on either side.

Socially, women base their success in life from their relationships (this is why being an unmarried single woman above 30 is such a taboo), so she still may want you as her “man”. Just make sure that you’re not preventing her growth and that you can still get what you want from the relationship if you stay together. If she gives up what she wants for you, she’ll only do it for a while before blaming you for her unhappiness.

Careful waters, tread lightly!


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