Time for Partner Sharing 101 – How To Have A Threesome.My Girlfriend Is Cheating On Me With Her Girlfriend!

Ugg,

I’ve always joked that my girlfriend and I should have some fun in bed sometime with another girl. She’s always been attracted to other girls, or at least pointed pretty girls out every now and then, but a lot of chicks do this so I thought nothing of it. A few weeks ago we were at a bar having some drinks with some friends when on the way to the bathroom my girlfriend got to talking to another girl. She came over to our table and we started drinking together and at the end of the night, she gave her a slip of paper with her phone number on it to my girlfriend.

I didn’t think anything of it at the time because they were girls and girls are always talking to each other. Then the MySpace messages went back and forth and they were having fun with each other. No big deal. But when they started hanging out, if they were drinking, one thing would lead to another and they would end up kissing at the end of the night. I thought this was hot and joked that I should get involved sometime. Well the next time, my girlfriend brought it up, the other girl agreed that it would be fun. Before I knew it, an entire night was planned!

This sounds great, but the problem is that after that night which was actually pretty awkward, things have been slipping off between my girlfriend and I. The experience was great, but balancing between the two girls made me have to think way too much to relax and enjoy. We’re usually a pretty ‘active’ couple in the bedroom but now she’s tired or just not interested which isn’t usual.

She thought I wouldn’t mind and answered truthfully that she’s been messing around with the other girl more on the side. Nothing like ‘sex’, but a lot more action than I’m getting.

Have I turned my great girlfriend into a lesbian? What do I do? We’re fighting more now and I feel a breakup coming on. I don’t want that.

I feel where you’re coming from. Having someone else join you and your girlfriend is hard to make work because of the jealousy factors. I’ve heard stories from a lot of folks who seem to have three major problems specifically. In these examples we’re going to focus on the guy/girl/girl setup.

Focusing Too Much On Your Girlfriend

Partly due to jealousy, partly due to obligation, the guy spends too much time with his girlfriend. This alienates the other woman and also makes it uncomfortable for the other woman to explore as well. Your girlfriend is in a bit of a bind because she’s also walking the jealousy tightrope. If she suggests that you spend more time with the other girl – she risks losing you to her. So most of the time, she’ll follow your lead if you’re spending too much time on her. As you pointed out, she can make up for that later, without the jealousy involving you. Wanting to explore the other woman in more detail could be the reason she’s spending more time with her. I’ll touch on that a bit later though.

Focusing Too Much On The OTHER Girl

This is the mistake most men make in this situation. The new car starts getting driven a lot more than the old car, so to speak. The jealousy ratio has to be carefully managed here for fun to be had by all. Spending too much time on her will not only make your girlfriend upset now, but could also lead to some retaliation down the road. Additionally, the other girl doesn’t want to speak out of turn, especially the first time, so she’s also likely to follow your lead. Notice a trend here? You’re in control since there’s only one of you.

Getting Left Out All Together

There is a movie called “The Sex Monster” that is about a man who gets his wife to have fun with another woman, only to lose her to women altogether. It’s usually a gradual slope, compounded by any existing issues in the relationship. Not only is the other girl an ‘escape’, but she’s also new, exciting, forbidden, and worst of all, comfortable. Once you got your girlfriend over the ‘hump’ by having the experience, you got rid of the social block that prevents most girls from messing around with each other. Because in a Guy/Girl/Girl setup everyone can play with everyone (where most men don’t do that in a Guy/Guy/Girl setup), it’s important for the odd person out (in this case the man), to control things so that everyone gets a piece.

What Should You Do? Is Your Girlfriend A Lesbian Now?

Depending on her personality type, she’s most likely just going through a phase. You mentioned the experience was awkward so one of the 3 issues may play a role here. Perhaps she’s figuring out what she likes about the girl, etc. Men are visually stimulated so beyond looks and body type, most men don’t even care if the woman speaks english or not as long as she’s hot. Women love to talk, bond, and experience together because women are technically communal creatures.

Biologically, women have always bonded emotionally and nurtured those bonds while the men bonded over hard work and production in general. As we’ve evolved into today’s society, many of our innate cravings for those bonds still drive our actions.

Partner sharing is not good for committed relationships. That’s the sad truth. Yours may be at an end now, but it could be a great opportunity for a friendship and more experiences down the road. If you do end things, I’d suggest that you say that you’re just not comfortable, but that you don’t want to stop her from discovering what she may be discovering with this other girl and that you think it’s best if you just step away before things get too heavy on either side.

Socially, women base their success in life from their relationships (this is why being an unmarried single woman above 30 is such a taboo), so she still may want you as her “man”. Just make sure that you’re not preventing her growth and that you can still get what you want from the relationship if you stay together. If she gives up what she wants for you, she’ll only do it for a while before blaming you for her unhappiness.

Careful waters, tread lightly!

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15 Comments

2007-04-16 13:24:29

[...] Note: I’ve covered the dynamics of a successful threesome and how to avoid imbalances, so it is wise to know these basics b…. [...]

 
Comment by Jennah
2007-06-19 12:08:13

My bf and I have talked repeatedly about this threesome thing and I agree that in a committed relationship, there is just no room for that sort of experimentation.

However, the bf disagrees and says that I just dont have the “personality type” to handle something like a threesome because I would not look at it rationally.

So….is this something that I cannot fathom based on the fact that I apparently exhibit personality traits that are adverse to another woman getting some from my bf who i am deeply in love with or is there something to be said for wanting to keep your committed relationship to a party of two?

 
2008-08-29 13:47:03

[...] the problem with threesomes in other contexts, this is pretty common in a club environment. Girls love dancing with girls [...]

 
2008-08-29 13:47:03

[...] – One Too Many Often the problem with threesomes in other contexts, this is pretty common in a club environment. Girls love dancing with girls [...]

 
Comment by wen
2008-10-27 20:42:01

Personally, I believe you reap what you sow. Let’s face it, you weren’t really “joking” when you said you wanted to bring someone else into your relationship. Now that your girlfriend apparently likes this other woman, you feel confused? Having a threesome isn’t exactly setting the stage for a committed relationship! Talk to her and accept her decisions as they are hers alone to make. No one person is to blame for the array of feelings that came from this “experiment” but I can bet if you ever decide to try it again. you will sit down with your partner, communicate, and set the boundaries about what will take place. I won’t get into you thinking you turned your partner into a lesbian but I will say, don’t flatter yourself – nature has that one covered. Good luck to you.

 
Comment by Jen
2008-11-18 01:42:01

You’re a bitch.
I hate men like you, “ooh let’s have another girl in bed”!
I hope your girlfriend get’s smart and dumps you.
Asshole.

Comment by Ryan
2008-12-26 19:37:18

Hey genius, in case you didn’t notice, it wad the girlfriend who started the relationship with the other girl.

Dumbass.

 
Comment by J
2009-07-27 08:23:26

Where in the hell did you get the idea that the man started the situation? Perhaps you should go back and read the article again.

 
 
Comment by JB from the FWI
2009-08-20 05:44:35

Does your girlfriend last name start with a “R” and first name start with a “N” and did she live in Bordeaux (France) for 3 or so years for college… If it so… I’M SO SORRY MAN.. SHE’S AN out the closet LESBO ! SORRY…

It’s not you it’s just a natural thing! lol

 
Comment by cari
2009-10-25 23:21:09

what a moron, get out why you can, if she’s not going to be gay, she’s going to be a slut…

 
Comment by Anthony
2010-10-09 12:34:12

@cari – completely agree. IMHO there is no room for the third if you want to be hones to your second ;-)

 
Comment by maria
2011-09-23 11:30:27

Jennah i see this was back in 07 i too am in a committed relationship and don’t want this to ruin it. please respond

 
Comment by jeremy
2012-05-19 16:23:10

I am 32 yrs old. My wife is 40. Our friend “Brenda is 31. brenda is bi and always rubs my wife neck and simple flirting every now and then. Last night we watched the movie Chronicle in my room. There was another guy Matt. Brenda was in between us. She was rubbing my wifes neck and teasing her with her finger nails. So I started whispering in Brendas ear, “kiss her neck”. She kissed one side, I got around and kissed the other. I knew then we could make it happen, my wife was into it. But in order for her to feel comfortable , I’d have to control it. I stripped both of them naked, Brenda began sucking my wife pussy which is one of the nicest eating pussys there is. I sucked on her tits while I took two fingers to Brendas G spot and my thumb on her clit. After I did this for a quick minute, I put myself in Brenda. . When I did this, I lowered my self to help her eat my wife. . After a while of this, my wife got on my dick and Brenda on my face. We did tis for a while, the girls switching up every so often. We had good fun for at least a solid hour. Nothing is “weird” at all. We all had fun and are planning to do it again soon. My wife has discovered that it wasn’t weird, but she really didn’t eat, the most she did was play with Brendas pussy. Advise for guys who have threesomes in relationships and marriage, you really have to be sure your relationship is strong. I have stuck it out with my wife through so hard shit, so I know she would never leave me for her. And Brenda is a good friend so it won’t make things weird. Rules to keep it good and comfortable: #1- don’t cum in the other girl. You must cum inside your wife! #2- don’t give the other girl more attention than your wife. #3- don’t do this with another woman who won’t make it a priority to keep this cool. This means she should be comfortable with that you will have to pay more attention to your wife. #4 you are the man. You must tell them what to do. This made my wife comfortable that her man is in control. #5- if you are going to do this and make everyone happy, you really must make everyone happy. You must posess the skill to make them both cum, without cumming first. #6- If you can, beat off about an hour before, so you will be able to perform for long enough to get both of them off, possible more than one. #7- I realize that this is not for everyone, but it helps to have consumed some alcohol and, in my case, some strong opiates ( I prefer suboxone- I have a prescription) This will keep you from “popping off” to early. There are other little tips I could offer but I could write a book. I hope that somehow this helps other men and their wives to have the ultimate exciting sexual experience. By doing things the way I described above, I have actually made our marriage stronger, our friendship with Brenda stronger, and have supercharged our sex life. If your wife or girlfriend changes because of this, you didn’t do thing in a manner similar to the way I described. The first five rules should be FMF commandments. Th final two, not mandatory but helpful. Good luck to you and may this be a good, loving, learning experience.

 
Comment by Jose Moreno
2012-05-26 20:07:19

To be honest with u gals/guys is to be faithful. dont hide anythin from them…
my gf an i have been datein for five years.. its been a hard struggle
for both of us… me personaly have talked bout it for a year before we decide
Anything.. We found out that as long as were honest with each other
an not hide anything from each other.. as a male its a fantisy for us to have…
My girl an i go out to bats an look for somone to take hone.. and we do find
ppl for us.. our life is great.. our sex life is great… im jus sayin to exploe
ur sexuality with one another.. an be honest dont lie.. take ur time with makinin
the decison on what ur goin to do.. were gettin married next week

 
Comment by Mr.Sama
2012-08-03 05:09:34

… What happened to Matt?

 

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