In today’s society there is no reason for a man to get married. Yet year after year, more of the people I know end up getting married. However, if that was the case, I’d re-evaluate my position. The reason I become so wary of these new marriages is not only because these men are statistically in the worst possible age group regarding their candidacy for divorce, but because the number one reason for WHY, is always the same:

Well, we’ve been together for a while and it’s the next step. She really wants to get married.

Not joking. At all. Look, I understand that after spending years with someone, the expectation of marriage is bound to come up. We’ve been raised by a society that has long told us that marriage is just what you do. Not only because you love someone - but because it’s RIGHT. Women have a ticking biological and physical clock. They know that as they get older, they become less attractive to the men that pose as good marriage candidates. They also know that as they age, their bodies will become less successful at carrying a child to term.

Men however, are complete pussies. Simply because a woman nags enough, they’re ready to make one of the largest financial mistakes of their lives. In other words, women have something to gain. Men, simply put, do not.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are a few reasons that always pop up during this debate, so I’ll go ahead and debunk the ones we hear the most:

Reason One: But Two Incomes Is Better Than One!

• Yes, you are right. For example:

  “For married couples there is a benefit for wealth. In terms of money, a two-parent household is going to have more,” states the author of An American Dilemma Revisited: Race Relations In A Changing World. “If you’re making $80,000 a year and you have a spouse who’s making $50,000 a year, $130,000 is going to go a lot further than that 80 or that 50. What [married couples] are able to do is to accumulate wealth together.”

  However, when you have children, what happens when your wife has to stay home to take care of the kids? Can you blame her for wanting to be there instead of a daycare with a bunch of strangers? It’s very easy to look at the positive side. However, when finances strain and you’re the one waking early to go to work while also trying to put in your share around the house, sometimes resentment can start to grow. Why can’t you stay at home? Why can’t she find a job? Why does she get to stay home and play with the kid(s) all day?

  The truth is that dual incomes are fantastic, but eventually you may be relegated to a single income. If this is one of your primary reasons for getting married, you may want to re-think things. Additionally, most men see “taking care of her” as simply paying for her cost of living. Paying her share of the rent, for her car, etc. is one thing. But when, as a non-working mother, she wants things that you don’t see necessary for a mother, but instead items of desire for a woman, your desire to give that money may definitely wane.

  Lastly, it’s easy to judge when you’re not the one in the hotseat. When the style of living you’ve become accustomed to deteriorates, the man may often find himself faced with the blame for not making enough. Maybe it’s just a jab in passing, or maybe you find yourself suddenly compared to a single man who is able to afford nicer things than you. Reminding her that you too could afford that if you didn’t have to pick up her burden is probably not the wisest thing to do.

Reason Two: But I Want To Have Kids! (Someday)

• And? You can have kids without being married. As a matter of fact, I highly recommend it! The reason I recommend it is that people are going to have kids, it’s a given. Parenting with someone you’re with can sometimes be an eye opener. Maybe she isn’t as detailed as you. Maybe the neat and clean woman you’ve come to love has vanished as a result of having to do more than pickup after adults?

  There are lot of ifs, but one of the biggest issues with parents is that children become a burden because they require around the clock attention and care. This is a beautiful burden and burdens do not have to be bad things, but often times parents may find that they feel that they no longer receive attention anymore. Perhaps she just needs to get out with her friends more often, leaving you at home with the kids. You’ve worked hard, you got to go out to go to work, but she’s been at home all day. She deserves or is entitled to do such.

  That can start to put pressure on a marriage. Just because you’re at work paying the bills, doesn’t mean that you’re having fun or doing what you’d rather be doing. Often times this gets lost in the communication. I’ve seen many cases where this breeds some sort of disdain for the other partner. Other men or women start to become attractive because they don’t make you feel the same way you feel around your partner. However, the reason for this isn’t because those people are better people. They just simply don’t have to have “those conversations” with you about finances or family.

  Children deserve to grow up in a stable home. As such, I always tell new parents to put off a potential marriage for a while. If you aren’t right for each other, getting married won’t fix that. And I seriously doubt the child will enjoy the fun of a divorce. Especially for men, if you haven’t achieved what you wanted to achieve (degree, promotion, whatever) yet, hold off on a marriage until you do. Having children should never be a reason for getting married. A reason to be a great parent, sure. But just because you love them doesn’t mean that you should try to love someone else the same way.

Reason Three: But I Want Someone To Love! I Don’t Want To Be Lonely! She Takes Care Of Me!

• If you have problems being alone, or lonely - stop looking at a relationship to fix that. You’re a moron and will only find yourself in a relationship that enables you further. A successful relationship involves two grounded people who are at peace with themselves, their strengths, and their weaknesses. If you’re feeling excessively lonely, it’s likely that it’s not NOT having a partner, but rather that something is off-kilter in your life. Do you work too much? Are you out of shape?

  You’ll no doubt find that by fixing the problems you have with yourself, you’ll be a much happier person and people like other happy people.

  If you’re marrying because someone takes good care of you, picks up after you, cooks for you… Get a maid - it’s cheaper! Remember, statistics show that men receive significantly less sex after marriage. In the long run, a maid really WOULD be cheaper - and less sexually frustrating. If it’s sex that you’re after… well marriage is NOT going to help that one.

And In The End?

Statistically, men make more than women, and thus I use that for most of the above generalizations. Based off this statistic, men have MORE to LOSE from marriage than women do. Men need sex like they need oxygen. Sex is one of the primary factors people get married in the first place. Many men go into it thinking sex will be like this FOREVER! However when the frustration kicks in, as children complicate the relationship, and as other stressors start to creep in, one thing happens - DIVORCE.

In some states, a man can not only lose a significant part of his paycheck for spousal support, but even his potential for FUTURE EARNINGS! Money he hasn’t even MADE YET! In some other states, a woman can screw her new boy toy on the floor of the house you pay for, AND take half. You got screwed TWICE! The truth is that the new laws have made marriage hard. Where there used to be a reason to get married, now all men see are reasons NOT to get married. We’ve finally reached the point where you have more to LOSE from marriage than you have to GAIN from it - from a man’s perspective.

But What If She Is Willing To Sign A Pre-Nup?

Prenuptial agreements are NOT iron-clad. And on top of that, prenups only cover the finances. If the relationship ends, you get this, she gets that, etc. So without a pre-nup, you promise to her, the rightful share of your assets and wealth that the state sees fit to give. With a prenup, you just modify the “sees fit to give” part.

The problem is that sure she can sign a prenup to show you she doesn’t want your money. But where is the contract saying that she won’t gain weight? Or that she won’t lose interest in a sexually healthy and adventurous relationship? Or that she won’t take you for granted and become the nagging wife we see so often in comics and television?

Not only can your wife do all of the above, but without or even sometimes WITH a prenup she can still get your money? There simply is no protection in a marriage for man to be certain he’ll keep getting what made him fall in love with his woman in the first place.

Not Anti-MARRIAGE… Anti-DIVORCE

It’s easy for me to be seen as anti-marriage. I can definitely see how I appear that way. However, I’m really anti-DIVORCE. Marriage is a serious issue that should be the final layer of support on a building that is already sufficiently grounded. What does that mean? I mean that a relationship should already be successful for MANY years before marriage is even talked about seriously. This wasn’t the case in the “good old days”, but the fact is that because divorces are so easy to get - marriages should be HARDER to get.

The key to a happy family life and a successful marriage are two well-grounded adults who are in love and who know each other like the back of their hand. Divorce typically comes about a few years after the marriage when the sex deteriorates, or the gap between the couple widens, or after kids are introduced.

If more couples took the time to spend 5 or 10 years unmarried but living together, and if marriage was treated as a final celebration of that time together, I’d probably support it. But marriages where women can cheat and still take half of a man’s wealth (or visa-versa if the girl makes more), will continue to put a final nail in the coffin holding what marriage used to be.

After 5-10 years, I’d say you know the other person well enough. You know what the sex is like, you know how they react to adversity, you’ve likely gone through some financial hardships together. There are less surprises and less rosy-eyed, “Oh my God! Everything will be so different and wonderful after we sign a piece of paper!”. Additionally, you probably have a laundry list of things that bother you about the relationship as well. Those should be discussed with a professional before proceeding any further.

What do you think?

Tags: benefit, marriage, divorce, infidelity, cheating, husband, wife, children, kids, lonely, relationship