My readers should understand, first and foremost, that I am NOT a fan of cheating. I don’t think it’s healthy. I don’t recommend it. And I think that divorce is a better option if you’re having temptations you can’t hold back or do not feel appreciated and able to change how you feel.

That said, a reader who claims to have been “the other guy” dozens of times, sent over some advice for women on how to have a successful affair. He mentioned that a few of his girlfriends have been busted by their boyfriends because of not following the advice below.

Of course, I’d also point out not to say anything if you do cheat – lest someone find you out and out you to the world…

1. Know what you need before even deciding who the affair is going to be with

  • If your needs are primarily sexual, you may need a different partner than if they are mostly emotional. It is even more important to decide if the affair is going to cause a divorce or a reunion with your spouse. Once you know what you want, find the guy that is going to fulfill those needs and take your time in deciding who that is.

2. Always pick a guy who has more to lose than you

  • Unless you are looking to leave your husband, or unless you find a serial other guy like I am, always pick a guy who has more to lose than you do by being discovered. That hot single guy may end up a nightmare down the road.

3. Bodybuilders of any age usually make a bad choice of partners

  • Bodybuilders of any age usually make a bad choice of partners. They are using their testosterone to build mass and they are often too focused on themselves to do you much good in the ego department. Guys that are fat are also usually lousy choices. Stamina and strength can be important however.

4. Pick a guy whose job allows him freedom

  • Try to pick a guy whose job allows him freedom. Someone who travels overnight is often ideal because he may not need to explain his whereabouts to either his wife or his boss. Always pick a guy who is more financially secure than you are or you will be picking up costs or loaning him money.

5. Fight the guilt before it begins

  • Guilt is often why people get caught. Leaving your copy of the Holiday Inn Express key in your purse can be a disaster when you were suppose to be at the Doctor’s office all day.

6. Put the sex in perspective

  • If you hook up with the right guy he may be very, very good, and that will be a very good thing for you, but keep in mind what your goals really are. If you need and want some good hot sex where you climax a dozen times in four or five hours and you find it that is great, but, is it worth giving up your marriage for? I have friends I see once or twice a week and have for over ten years but they are grounded enough they stay married. Their husband gets to enjoy their improved disposition and glow and many times my friends find him a better husband without him knowing all the work I put into helping them feel better about themselves, and having the relief they need.

7. Pay every affair related expense in cash

  • Unless it has to show up on an expense account. Get a separate very small cell phone that is either prepaid, or where you made a big enough cash deposit that no bill ever comes to your home. Set it on vibrate and stash it on your body. Make sure the number is OK to show up on your other man’s bill if you are going to call his cell phone. I have one currently that has the same local number prefix as my friend’s does, and she lives in a small town over 100 miles away. Cell companies will do whatever you ask to get your money.

8. Always have an extra change of underwear

  • Carry a change of panties, that you can toss out the window if you need to, or use and discard the other ones if you can’t get them washed before he has a chance to encounter them. Always take a shower afterwards. You will smell like sex and so will the panties you had on before they came off. Deodorant, and toothpaste and toothbrush are musts. Little hairs can stick in your teeth where others will notice them and you might not. The same goes for your guy. Buy your husband the same cologne for his birthday that your other guy uses.

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2007-04-11 22:18:16

[…] question – “Should I get her breast implants? And if so, will she cheat on me?” Most men know that there are signs that your girlfriend or wife is cheating on you, and that augmentation can be seen as one. So is there merit to those worries? […]

Comment by bccomo
2007-07-16 06:22:17

mise well let both parties enjoy

Comment by Aaron
2007-09-26 19:09:16

I’m noticing more and more women having affairs. Is it because of sites like Affair or is because more and more women are deciding NOT to stay at home wishing they had more intimacy. Instead, they are going out and creating their own affair stories.

Great tips BTW. I’ve jotted them down for future reference as many of them could apply to men too!

Comment by Samantha
2008-04-15 10:07:05

I think if you are interested or aroused about the idea of cheating perhaps the safest way and least damaging to a relationship would be to cheat online with someone who is long distance. At least this way it’s not as bad as actually sleeping with them. I have been doing this for a while and my spouse does not know. No harm……no foul!

Comment by Nelford
2008-05-03 19:17:45


Comment by debs
2008-09-09 00:01:34

How to have an affair and not get caught”. Simply type in “affair tips” or “cheating tips” in to any major search engine and you’ll have everything you need to have an affair and not get caught.

Or, you could NOT cheat!

Comment by Case
2008-10-19 22:25:51

why the hell would anyone advise the rest of us how to cheat?!?!?

i am a women and completely disgusted by this!

if you have this much damn time get a life!

the only reason i’m even at websites like this is to write a relationship guide for women….or i’d never be here if i wouldn’t make a buck off of it! and i barely ahve time for this! christ!

Comment by michelle
2009-01-18 23:56:39

I am in a marriage that i am utterly bored in… we dont relate in our interests.At the same time though he loves our kids and works hard to take care of us.

I am dying for more than this.. sexually I am going mad.
I have practically spelled out my disharmony in our marriage but have such a problem facing a divorce.
I hate marriage it’s an institution. Ofcourse having another sex partner wouldn’t be exciting if i wasn’t married.huh

Maddening! kristin

Comment by Richard
2009-06-23 05:22:31

This is such a niche, I was simply on here to polish up on my skills as like the editor I am attracted to married women that are bored in their mundane lifes. I have always thought to my self that I do their husbands a service because I accomodate their sexual needs no matter how bizzare, I have to pay for lunch’s, I listen to them whinge and moan about their boring day, then I have to give them sex to a standard that is better then their husbands and for all you know he is a machine, then get changed have a shower, lie to my girlfriend and live with what very little guilt I have and all this to please some stranger woman…. And people think were the bad ones, if middle aged men didn’t get lazy and boring then I wouldn’t be shagging their wifes whilst they are fishing etc.

I love the site, I want to add more tips;

*hairs on clothes and car head rests etc – pick them off

*when returning to your husband think of a sad thought, big smiles stand out a mile away and whilst you limp up stairs don’t think how thick is this guy because he will get suspicious

* don’t act outside your schedule, if you Finnish work at 5, go home at 5! Late nights etc just arouse suspicion.

*make sure the cheating wife and bit on the side understand what you both want – this will bring no love, just lust so slap yourself and go back to your husband

* don’t meet in hotels… DODGY as can be, who you kidding with mr and mrs smith? Visit estate agents to ask for keys to view a house leave them £200 quid deposit take the keys back and use that! Think on your feet

Comment by Sal
2010-05-12 20:16:14

This is utterly ridculous!! You are actually putting “tips” on how to have a successful afair. Nothing stays hidden forever. The damage that affairs do can be so irreparable and not to mention what it does to families. You really ought to be ashamed for being proud of something like this.

Comment by Mal
2010-05-13 12:02:15

i agree with sal omg telling a women how to cheat…..maybe people shouldnt cheat at all smfh!

Comment by Guest
2010-10-18 21:17:27

Try not to get caught, especially if you are a woman, because it is easy to do so. You know why, most husbands can easily suspect a woman of cheating and it’s hard for a woman to hide it as well because they’re not practical and intelligent enough. They go at great lengths to catch her by hiring PIs, detectives, etc., and plus, they kill her and/or her lover too.

Comment by LR
2011-06-28 10:46:54

In other words, women should only do it for sex.

Comment by Hayley
2011-10-31 06:55:30

I have been having an affair for the last 6 months which is not like me. My partner is perfect in almost every way but extremely boring. I met this guy and we instantly hit it off. I do not get to see him often, he does not have any money most of the time, has no secure job so mostly I pay. The problem is I cannot stop it. I think about him all day. I study sites in order to find ways of making him happy. The problem is its making me ill. Silly I know but if the chemistry is there – nothing stops it.

I just wish I couild get into a man’s mind. if i get caught I lose everything.

Affairs happen that you just cannot stop.

Comment by Anna
2011-11-11 07:38:32

What do you mean “cheat online”? Do you really consider online sex cheating?

Comment by Krystle
2011-11-18 01:30:58

I have been married for 10 years and if it weren’t for the little flings I have with my lovely little boy toys I’d lose my effing mind. I use them for sex and we both love it! Having my little rendezvous makes me a happier person and I am not as stressed out. When I have a bad day I go meet my sexy boyfriend and we bang each others brains out:)

Comment by Crushed
2012-03-10 07:20:47

Why tell women how to do this you fucking morons !!! My wife just cheated in me and really hurts a lot !!! I love her more then anything in the world and makes me cry everyday !! My eyes hurt my chest hurts I’ve lost almost 40 pounds and in scared everyday that she is going to leave . We have two kids who mean the world to both of us she is an amazing mother to them and still is a great wife to me !! I’m staying with her because I truly do love her very much and I believe people make mistakes and that includes me as well . It’s a hard thing to swallow but my wife already feels worse then I could possibly make her feel . This is not her and she feels bad for what she has done and strangely it has made us fall in love all over again . Look we had other people before we were married so why does it matter.eeve been together for almost 17 years for a reason and so she made one mistake , I’m not going to condem her for it like I said she already feels bad enough. I truly hope and believe in my heart that she means what she says and we will be fine . I really hurt inside and like I said help people get happy not telling them how to cheat its wrong and very hurtful!!


Comment by Brad
2012-04-05 13:52:51

I agree. This is bullshit, your giving advice on how to hurt another human being and maybe even a loved one.
3 times in my life I’ve caught my girlfriend cheating on me (different girls) and I promise to God I’ll kill if my wife does this to me!!! I was engaged to the last one. One of the reasons we broke up was because I told her she was spending too much time with a “friend” but she said they were only friends. A yr later they were married. Went into the deepest of depressions.
Anyway, you people that do things like this to other people…I wish nothing but anguish for your scandalous lives.

Comment by WhoMe
2012-04-06 05:39:20

Love the second tip. I’ve made the mistake of being too d*amn happy when I come through the door.

Comment by Bebe
2012-04-13 23:43:19

Do people ever think that they were cheated on because of themselves? my husband is addicted to porn and thus couldn’t deliver in bed told me to be quiet when i told him what i would like… so i found someone who would listen :-)

Comment by LR
2012-05-13 11:47:16

Women are just natural whores, especially when they get addicted to porn.

Comment by EnglishRose
2012-06-04 00:31:27

I’m on the brink of engaging in an affair. I’ve been in this realtionship 8 years, with a beautiful little girl and two years of deep depression being the products of it. I have bent over backwards for my guy and got nothing but grief in return. I gave up a well-paid job and a dream of traveling to start a family, and now I’m at university in an attempt to better my employment prospects, my guy objects to everything I wanna do. I have no life, one friend who can tolerate my my whining, I’ve been alienated from all my family and have no freedom, whilst he’s out on his motorbike each weekend with unexplained lateness on his way home from work. Our relationship is not physical enough for me, I originally set out looking just for sex, but have since come to realize that I’m looking for a get-out Clause. I’ve met a fantastic man and although we haven’t actually had sex yet, four days of flirtatious texting is getting me all hot and bothered. He fits into every tip above (good job, family, reputation, etc) and has just made me realize that I just want out of this relationship.

Thank you to the author of this site, made me rethink what I actually want!

Comment by Dave
2012-06-26 14:39:03

Be good girls…be sneaky.

I had a friend that caught his girl cause she was sloppy…the said “other man” was a long time high school friend. My friend I am talking about…went over his house the next morning…guy didn’t suspect anything because my friend and him were tight. My friend ended up breaking his jaw, forearm, wrist, and he needed stitches from a gash on his head. He got away with it…because my friend’s friend was married…so he told his wife that he got jumped at the parking lot at work…and no charges were pressed.

He’s right…always pick a guy who has “more to lose” so people like my friend can beat them within a few inches of their life…and justice is served because “justice” according to our actual justice system is not…

Comment by Chatty Cathy
2012-07-28 21:49:35

I have been having an affair with my boss for over a year. I havent told a soul! I always wish I could talk to someone so I was excited to see this thread. Me and my husband have been together a very long time but only married a year. My husband is a gorgeous man. Very well built and he’s packing downstairs. He takes care of our family like man of the year. However, emotionally detached. He treats me like his sister. He is a coward at times too. It’s depressing. I started a new job just over a year ago and have been sleeping with my boss since 9 days after I started. We were instantly connected. A connection I haven’t felt with my husband in a long time. It’s fun and spontaneous. He makes me feel beautiful and funny. He’s such a sexy man and a complete opposite of my husband. (go figure!) I love my husband very much and hope that he changes. I don’t want a divorce, but I need to feel wanted… Desired…. Sexy. Call me needy if you must. I can’t help it. We have an awesome relationship and it’s so much fun being just friends at work. :)

Oddly enough, I feel a bit better for getting this out.

Comment by jaco
2012-09-18 22:33:02

What do u do not to get caught,I mean what do u do different that u don’t do for ur man,do u wear sexy clothes which u haven’t befor,do u go out during work,do u fight with ur man,I mean how can a man know if his women is cheating on him,pls help me by answering that

Comment by jaco
2012-09-18 22:42:15

How can a man find out if his women is cheating on him,my women goes out a lot with work,she stopped chatting to me saying her work called her in and spoke to her,she doent want me to touch her and she screams at me over every little matter I minght mention,she acuses me of seeing another women which I don’t,I must mention me and my women work together at same compony,when we met she never used to go out for work now it is at least 2 to 3 times a week,she gets cross with me when I point out that she weares clothes that she must check for it shows a lot,how the he’ll can I find out if she is cheating or not

Comment by annon
2012-11-23 03:44:16

oh my freakn god……you just literally described my life…..incredible. I too married a completely possesive control freak, we have been married 8 years and have one child together…..i’ve been in and out of depression for the last 4 years i would say now. He has somehow completely changed me as a person, in fact sucked the life out of me is one way of putting it……i’m not the same person i was before i meet him. I had tons of friends when he meet me (he had a couple) and now i feel like i have none…….like i said…..he sucked the life out of me. I have zero freedom……anyway, i’m at a stage in my life where i need something, i’m still only 28 and have plenty of life ahead of me but its so damn hard to know what to do….an affair?? never thought i would stoop so low but i can certainly see how it happens…if it wasnt for my son i would have left him ages ago

Comment by Hopeful
2012-11-23 18:27:16

I was just wondering if you and your wife are still making things work ?

Comment by Anon
2013-01-23 16:28:31

Ditto that. At least some guys still prefer the real thing. I got seriously tired of telling him over and over to stop. Now he can stay up and binge on porn half the night while I sleep. I go right to bed and don’t give a d**** any more. Should’ve listened!

Comment by LR
2013-03-05 20:11:11

Women should look at porn to make husband get jealous and ruin her collection.

Comment by Longing
2013-04-21 16:09:48

I was seated next to a friend’s husband recently at a dinner. I had only met him briefly once before. We got on like a wildfire, flirting, eye contact, laughing, little touches. Well, as we are both married, I didn’t think about it again…until about 5 days ago when a girlfriend and I ran into him and his wife and ended up having lunch with them. Of course, he and I were seated next to each other again, and it was the same vibe, except a bit hotter, but still innocent, as his wife and my friend were there. When I got up to leave, we all stood there but nobody hugged. I left to go to my car, and as I was pulling out, I saw him standing on the sidewalk watching me. He was alone. I drove in the other direction. I cannot stop thinking about this guy. I wonder what it would take to get something started, or if he would be willing. I’m not looking for judgement here. Just tell me what move I can make. A call? Trying to run into him on purpose? The chemistry is off the charts.

Comment by Torn
2013-05-10 07:34:07

I have been having an affair with this amazing woman. She is married. I know, it’s disgusting. I met her through work. I discovered that she had a crush on me some years ago. She left the company, but came back some years later. This is when things started. Long story short, we’re both in love. We cannot stop thinking about each other. We have been seeing each other for 9 months now. The sex is amazing. The kissing is amazing. Our interaction with each other is amazing. We just love being around each other. The love, the sex, our infatuation for each other has only grown more intense. It is hard to simply let her go. I want her around me all the time. We communicate only through email. No phone calls or anything. We meet at my place for usually 3 hours about 3-4 times a week. I’m completely in love with her. We don’t know what to do. For various reasons, her kids being one big reason, and too many to outline, we find it difficult to have her transition into my life. As a result, we find ourselves in a tough place. Hard to let go. We’re playing with fire and we have no one to blame but ourselves for deciding to do this. We have discussed ending this, but obviously we are having difficulty doing so. While things are amazing between us, we have become scared. Scared to end it and scared that we will be caught.

Comment by monica
2013-08-09 09:31:33

What if I want physical relationship as well becoz I m not physically happy with my husband nd my frnd’s husband perpose me I dont want to go with him mently but 4 sex ?? Yes I didnt say yes to him yet but I dont know what 2 do

Comment by Stace
2014-01-02 13:41:31

And you don’t feel guilty when you come home?


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