I’m going to touch a little more on this when I discuss your “frame”, but this was too good a question not to get back to.

Ugg,

I think things are going great, but I have this nagging feeling that even though my girlfriend calls me her boyfriend, that I’m still in a “friend zone“. Things are going way too fast.

We have only been together a week, but after we met, we found we had a lot in common, exchanged phone numbers, etc. What followed were several late nights of phone calls about nothing, getting to know favorite colors, and everything else. We’ve been physical, but haven’t yet been able to pass that barrier. I enjoy sex and from what we’ve talked about I think she does too, but it seems something’s preventing her from feeling comfortable with me.

Any idea what could be going on?

Men Want A Whore In The Bedroom And A Saint On The Streets

Men have always had that saying, “She’s not the type of girl I’d bring home to mom“. That’s because men, being sexual creatures stimulated by physical attractions, often pursue women based on looks or the perceived ease of which they can get that woman into bed eventually. Emotional stimulation for men isn’t of critical importance. Males in almost all species are born to spread their seed, grow new life, and die. We’re still fighting the fight to get away from that instinct.

That is why men tend to not necessarily be put off by slutty behavior. It’s the same reason men buy women drinks - to get them drunk enough to be less careful. Most of the time, these women are NOT marriage material. In other words, not the type of woman they’d bring home to Mom.

Women Want Their Dream Guy For Their Friends To Meet, And A Beast In The Sheets

Don’t let the above block get you thinking women don’t enjoy sex too - they do. However, women battle with the stereotype that giving it up too early, will scar them with the scarlet letter (S for Slut) of whoredom.

Women want the guy that buys things, remembers birthdays, is smart and well-spoken, and all the things they dreamed of as little girls. Because women base their own value off of their relationships and perceived social status, these relationships are important because they display the fact that this girl is “worth it” to those around her.

Because women are typically stimulated by emotional bonds, long conversations about nothing, and other romantic gestures of importance prime the body for lovemaking. They make her feel safe. Also, because women are typically the prey and not the predator, they are used to keeping their guard up to prevent getting picked off (or up) easily.

The Real Reason Your Girlfriend Won’t Have Sex With You

Add these two together and you begin to see the alternate shapes. A Yin and Yang of relationship psychology. Men can’t hide the fact that they want sex. After all, you can place almost any man into the Three Types of Men - and women can sense it.

Women don’t fall in love with rockstars, they have crazy passionate sex with them and keep those wild nights tucked away for the occasional fantasy about how she’s a bad girl living a good girl life. Instead, women fall in love and marry accountants and businessmen, in other words - normal everyday men.

Often, when a woman finds a guy that has potential, she saves him for herself. If she treats you like a rockstar, or if you position or “frame” yourself as one, she will lose you after the sweat dries. Additionally, she doesn’t want you to think she’s a slut. Even worse, because all you do is think about sex, and she knows this, even your own word isn’t good enough. It’s about selective reproduction. Because she’s in her logical state of thinking, you have to prove you want more than her body.

And this is why you’re waiting.

Those long conversations, the nice words or poetry, that perfect date.. it accidentally tripped her “this could be the guy” alarm. She’ll do whatever it takes not to seem like a slut to you because she knows that would put her in the “not the girl I’d bring home to mom” category and she does not want to be there.

The frustrating thing is that if you were The Jerk she probably would have given you a wild night of sex. After all, it is what it is, and she’s not going to keep him around. You however, have the potential she’s been looking for.

So How Do You Get Laid From This?

Well, you could be The Moron, tell her you love her, and start your way into a relationship that would only hold you back.. Or, you could have a sit down with yourself and think about what you really want to happen. We know you want to have sex with her. Would you be willing to risk losing a long relationship for the prospect of having her as a sexual friend (aka f*ckbuddy)?

When the time’s right she’ll give it up, if you continue to sell yourself as you have. However, if you’re not looking to settle down, marry, give up your dreams, etc. It’s probably time to split and make sure you change the way you approach getting laid.

Setting Your “Frame”

This is where setting your frame comes in. When meeting a woman, you don’t want her to know how much you make, what you do, what your favorite day of the week is, how great a boyfriend you make, etc. You want her to know that you’re fun, exciting, and that physical contact with you, on YOUR terms, is rewarding and something she can enjoy. This can be a bit more complicated than I have room left to type, but the essential thing is confidence.

You’re an ambitious guy, making your way in the world, and while you enjoy physical contact and having fun with women, you’re not in the position to settle down yet - even if it’s only boyfriend/girlfriend stuff.

Most people don’t know what they want in life or in relationships. Instead they bluntly force their way from one to another until they find a decent fit. Knowing how to set your “frame” and watching out for deviations from that frame will put you heads and shoulders above most others.

If your frame is one of a man after some fun times but not serious commitment, set a deadline. Change your behaviors slightly and start framing the relationship the way you want it. If you want it at all. You’d be surprised. No woman wants to end a good thing, but may already know that you’re not getting anywhere with her, even if you don’t. Sometimes women enjoy meeting a guy who tells her what he wants and what he’s looking for - even if it’s not what she thought she wanted to hear.

Tags: men, women, relationship, boyfriend, girlfriend, sex, jerk, moron, ambitious, fbuddy, frame