Mar 10th, 2007 by Ugg
I’ve always been fascinated with cheating. I personally, think that if you want to cheat, you need to end the relationship first. But others feel more ‘trapped’ in a relationship. Perhaps by marital or family obligations. The cheating is one thing, but the reasoning and psychology behind the motivation for the cheating is another entirely. Here are a few stories submitted by readers that I found particularly interesting.
Story #1 – She Was Paying For Sex
My wife and I were married for 23 years. Within six months she went from knowing nothing of the computer to becoming completely obsessed with the Internet. I guess I was too trusting. She sent gifts to new “friends”, staying on the Internet for 6 to 8 hours at a time, rarely spending time with my two sons and I. It turned out she was paying for sex.
She left me and my sons but only after doing as much damage as possible – such as making outrageous remarks to my sons, family members, etc. This experience has been absolutely devastating. I haven’t been back to work in 15 months. I’m raising my sons with pride. As a family we’re okay but I haven’t yet found a way to regain my own spirit.
Story #2 – “There Is No Trust In The Relationship”
We got a computer about 16-18 months ago and then the internet. One of my wive’s friends hooked her up to Instant Messaging. I didn’t think much of it until she was up half the night chatting away. Then she put a Password on the IM application to, “prevent misuse by the kids”, but she would not tell me the password because she thought I would be “invading her privacy”.
Then one day, I stumbled across her stored email and found somewhere she talked to a friend about an IM buddy who told her he loved her. She then asked her friend not to tell me anything. My suspicions were aroused when I couldn’t find the phone bill, but it had been paid. I looked for it and found it hidden in the closet. It had 3 calls to another country on it. Then I noted missing floppy disks, found those in the same place, and 1 actually had a webcam picture of some guys erect penis on it.
I confronted her with the evidence, asked her if she “cybered” and she vehemently denied it. Nothing was resolved, and then I found an image on the computer of her naked. She had taken the picture of herself with a Polaroid camera. She sees nothing wrong with what she has done and seems furious that I have “invaded her privacy” and that I am “trying to control her” She has refused to take counseling, but I chose to and learned how not to let my emotions rule my thoughts and actions. We are still together, but there is no trust in the relationship and it is only for economic reasons that we remain together.
Story #3 – Instant Messaging Caused Her To Cheat
I am a husband who loves his wife and family very much. I am responsible for introducing my wife to IM’ing and I regret it to this very day. Although I believe the program to have it’s good points, there are jerks out there who will use these programs for their own selfish reasons. I have been married 10 years and for the past year my wife has been in contact with two of these jerks.
I have a job that requires long hours away from home and my wife doesn’t work. This gives her the opportunity to engage in possible internet infidelity. I have made every effort to get her to stop but I fear she is too far gone now. We have have our problems as most marriages do, but I have never thought once of cheating on my wife, although the opportunity for me to do so was always there.
I feel that maybe I was imagining this, but as I get more information on this matter, I believe my suspicions are well-founded. She left me and took the children with her in the middle of September. We communicate but she is cold to me and distant most of the time. I warn husbands and boyfriends who value their relationship to be aware if this is happening to you! If you value your relationship, you have to do all you can to stop this.
Story #4 – I Ended Their Friendship, But She Was Still Cheating
My wife had been cheating on me for almost two months. He started off as a friend but they would talk after I went to sleep and eventually started doing sexual things. It got to where they were talking and emailing one another without my knowledge. I caught them cheating and ended the friendship immediately. So we began to repair our relationship and all seemed to go well. Then I had a gut feeling that things were still not right. I began to try and figure out her passwords to see if they still had something going on.
Well, I got into her email. I found out that they never missed a beat and they were still talking. They even went so far as to start meeting somewhere and planning it. I called her work and asked her what she had planned after her dentist appointment the next day and she asked me what I meant and I replied with where their favorite spot is that they like to meet. She was very surprised and she replied, “Please don’t do anything, I will be home soon”. Well, we have been able to discuss it and we still are going to try and work it out and so far things seem to be going well. I really love her…
Personally, I don’t ever believe cheaters “stop”. Cheating itself may stop for a while, but unless the couple is totally oblivious to their own feelings and it truly was just a “spur of the moment” ordeal, the scars and effects of the scandal never heal. Plausible Deniability is no excuse either.
Once a cheater, always a cheater? I believe so. It’s not that you’re a bad person for cheating. Well, you may be actually.. But the truth is that you just have no business in a relationship. Perhaps you need to quit being a Moron and start being more like The Ambitious Man.
What do you think?