Comments on: My Girlfriend NAGS All The Time - What Do I Do!? http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/ AskUgg.com discusses Cheating, Relationships, Dating, Sex, Intimacy, Infidelity, and more! Sat, 31 Jul 2010 20:16:00 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.1.2 By: Tyler http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/#comment-48 Tyler Fri, 16 Mar 2007 06:56:59 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/#comment-48 Excellent advice... I've used this same stuff on my girlfriends (in the past, mother/stepmother) It works like a charm. If anything, when she's screaming, there is no chance of you winning, so what I do is agree and tell them they are absolutely right... then leave for a while. Go on a walk for an hour or so, whatever... then come back when she has disarmed and try to reconcile and figure out what the real solution is. Works like a charm. Excellent advice… I’ve used this same stuff on my girlfriends (in the past, mother/stepmother) It works like a charm. If anything, when she’s screaming, there is no chance of you winning, so what I do is agree and tell them they are absolutely right… then leave for a while. Go on a walk for an hour or so, whatever… then come back when she has disarmed and try to reconcile and figure out what the real solution is. Works like a charm.

]]> By: Ugg http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/#comment-50 Ugg Fri, 16 Mar 2007 07:24:30 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/#comment-50 It truly is the hardest thing to do. Logic dictates that you can win this debate but emotions won't let you. You have to shelve the 'win' for the greater good and that's not always easy to do. In the end, the cooler head will prevail. Either she'll come to, or stomp away never to bring it up (until the next fight). It's like dealing with a grease fire, they say never to throw water on it, although normally that's the solution to a fire. In a fight, always use logic to present your point and win the debate. Unless you're sleeping with the person you're arguing with ;) It truly is the hardest thing to do. Logic dictates that you can win this debate but emotions won’t let you. You have to shelve the ‘win’ for the greater good and that’s not always easy to do.

In the end, the cooler head will prevail. Either she’ll come to, or stomp away never to bring it up (until the next fight).

It’s like dealing with a grease fire, they say never to throw water on it, although normally that’s the solution to a fire.

In a fight, always use logic to present your point and win the debate. Unless you’re sleeping with the person you’re arguing with ;)

]]> By: AskUgg! - Cheating, Relationships, Dating, Sex, Intimacy, Infidelity, It’s all here! » Blog Archive » The Friend Zone: Why Is She Lying To Me And What Should I Do? http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/#comment-74 AskUgg! - Cheating, Relationships, Dating, Sex, Intimacy, Infidelity, It’s all here! » Blog Archive » The Friend Zone: Why Is She Lying To Me And What Should I Do? Mon, 26 Mar 2007 18:33:22 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/#comment-74 [...] you’re unable to simply be a friend anymore. Because of your feelings, you don’t feel (it is very important to use “I feel“ here) that you can be her friend [...] […] you’re unable to simply be a friend anymore. Because of your feelings, you don’t feel (it is very important to use “I feel“ here) that you can be her friend […]

]]> By: octopod http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/#comment-1899 octopod Sat, 15 Sep 2007 07:43:28 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/#comment-1899 I can't help but think the obvious answer to "Why would I want to do dishes?" in the above quoted passage is "You think *I* want to do them?", if the household chores end up dividing themselves up the normal way... That said, yeah. This technique is absolutely true. And for any women reading this, it works on men too. Yelling back at an accusation is like throwing water on a grease fire -- he's irrational and running entirely on emotional fuel, and it's best to cool things down and work it out later once he's got his crazy levels back down. Also applicable to parents. I can’t help but think the obvious answer to “Why would I want to do dishes?” in the above quoted passage is “You think *I* want to do them?”, if the household chores end up dividing themselves up the normal way…

That said, yeah. This technique is absolutely true. And for any women reading this, it works on men too. Yelling back at an accusation is like throwing water on a grease fire — he’s irrational and running entirely on emotional fuel, and it’s best to cool things down and work it out later once he’s got his crazy levels back down. Also applicable to parents.

]]> By: Jason http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/#comment-25081 Jason Mon, 23 Mar 2009 03:00:58 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/#comment-25081 Very good advice. My ex and I used to have huge fights, and they were like clockwork. The problem? Different thinking and communication styles led to communication problems over and over. Unfortunately, the job of "fixing things" fell entirely to me, since I was older and wiser. And over time, I learned the hard way that the solution is to disarm personal attacks and replace them with efforts to put my desire to "be right" aside and try to see things from her point of view. Listen to her. Validate her point of view. Then work with her to achieve communication, mutual understanding and agreement, and resolution. Not easy... but well worth the effort. Unfortunately, while the relationship forced me to grow and become a better man, ultimately all my efforts failed to be able to save the relationship because she was broken. It turned out that she had a mental disorder that could not be fixed, helped or cured. In the end, communication is the key to success... but if the couple is too severely mismatched for whatever reason... no amount of love will save it. Very good advice. My ex and I used to have huge fights, and they were like clockwork. The problem? Different thinking and communication styles led to communication problems over and over.

Unfortunately, the job of “fixing things” fell entirely to me, since I was older and wiser. And over time, I learned the hard way that the solution is to disarm personal attacks and replace them with efforts to put my desire to “be right” aside and try to see things from her point of view. Listen to her. Validate her point of view. Then work with her to achieve communication, mutual understanding and agreement, and resolution.

Not easy… but well worth the effort.

Unfortunately, while the relationship forced me to grow and become a better man, ultimately all my efforts failed to be able to save the relationship because she was broken. It turned out that she had a mental disorder that could not be fixed, helped or cured.

In the end, communication is the key to success… but if the couple is too severely mismatched for whatever reason… no amount of love will save it.

]]> By: Ugg http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/#comment-25082 Ugg Mon, 23 Mar 2009 03:18:41 +0000 http://www.askugg.com/2007/03/10/my-girlfriend-nags-all-the-time-what-do-i-do/#comment-25082 Excellent point regarding the "she was broken" comment. Too often we try to paddle uphill a raging river with only one paddle and curse everything as it all goes down. Some people, due to daddy issues, childhood abuse, etc. are just simply unable to understand and express what they TRULY want, leaving you no metric for success. She may say, "I want you to love me more". But there's no clear line to indicate you've done that. Eventually, because you volunteer to take the blame for it, you end up "at fault" for things because you never achieved her goal. Yet, if asked, she would likely stutter to list off exactly what that would entail. Is it a general overall feeling? Is it a combination of very particular things you can actually address? More oft-than-not, it's just her way of not admitting to herself that she may not belong in a relationship because she doesn't know what SHE wants. This is how you end up in a situation where the reason becomes "it just happened". However, men definitely tend to give more clear answers in that specific regard. Usually it relates to physical attraction or physical intimacy. Excellent point regarding the “she was broken” comment.

Too often we try to paddle uphill a raging river with only one paddle and curse everything as it all goes down.

Some people, due to daddy issues, childhood abuse, etc. are just simply unable to understand and express what they TRULY want, leaving you no metric for success.

She may say, “I want you to love me more”. But there’s no clear line to indicate you’ve done that. Eventually, because you volunteer to take the blame for it, you end up “at fault” for things because you never achieved her goal. Yet, if asked, she would likely stutter to list off exactly what that would entail.

Is it a general overall feeling? Is it a combination of very particular things you can actually address?

More oft-than-not, it’s just her way of not admitting to herself that she may not belong in a relationship because she doesn’t know what SHE wants.

This is how you end up in a situation where the reason becomes “it just happened”.

However, men definitely tend to give more clear answers in that specific regard. Usually it relates to physical attraction or physical intimacy.

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