This just goes to show that men aren’t comfortable with promiscuous women in the long run when it comes to settling down with them. You’re right that women loving sex as much DOES make guys feel uneasy, even if they don’t admit it.

Guys complain about women not “having as high as a sex drive” or taking too long to sleep with them, but then they freak out when they find out that their partner has had a history of being a sex fiend.

You did a great job hitting things on the dot in terms of a guy feeling as if his sense of protecting a woman is threatened after finding out that other men have had her. When guys say they love sex-crazed women, they only like it when THEY’RE getting a piece of her. It’s like being able to have that delicious cake to yourself, and not sharing it with anybody else. You wouldn’t want to eat a cake that’s been eaten by others.

This is why I think it’s best to NOT share your sexual past with a guy nor it is necessary to jump into sex too quickly (some guys assume that you must be doing this with other men). Men say one thing, but do another.

I’m a woman myself and realize that this kind of thinking isn’t fair. Based on my life, men tend to be repulsed by seriously dating or marrying an openly promiscuous woman.

They would love to have a hook-up with you, but it ends there……No wait, it ends after they’re done bashing us to their friends and telling their friends to get a peice of us as well.

I met my girlfriend when she was 15 and I was 18, some may not approve but it was nothing funny, anyway that’s a different story.

Before meeting her I have only been with 1 woman due to feeling sexually inadequate after spending most of my life around 2 ‘good-looking bullies’ who always took everyone I liked. After developing a relationship with my current girlfriend I find out she lost her virginity at 14, slept with 13 people inbetween then and me meeting her (two of them being, well, guess who) and it makes me so insecure. On several occasions I have had to listen to her friends tell her about lads she has been with saying stuff about her nails in their back and other stuff I really didn’t wanna hear. She says she regrets it but it dosen’t help. Any advice apart from ‘leave her’ would be appreciated as that will be a last resort as I have been with her for a year now.

Thank you.

my girlfriend is 16 and she tells me that she loves me. but she sleeps with lots of ppl who r 21 or older aand she still talks to most of the guys. i love her and she feels the same way but it hurts sometimes and i can tell sexually because she is loose. b4 we started dating she claimed she had unattached sex and gave head to this 26 year old who wanted to fight me. im 15. what do i do:((

There is a fact that people need to accept about relationships: Both men and women enjoy sex. The number of partners or different situations has never bothered me when the person is outside of a relationship, versus how they treat a partner they are seriously involved with.

For instance, my fiancee is 24 and has been with over 30 men, and yes, I also know many of the explicit details. 25 of them were in a 13 month period; most of them were unprotected (on the pill); most were also short-term encounters (2-3 times after knowing the person a week or so); she had a MMF threesome; she was caught giving oral sex in a dorm bathroom; she slept with someone based on a rumor of how big he was; and lots of other details.

And guess what…..none of it bothers me a bit.

Why?

She has also had 3 relationships of one year or more (including ours), in which she has remained completely faithful. This fact means more than wanting to have a good time & get laid while she was single.

I’ve heard questions like:

“She says 30, how do you know it’s not 60?”
What’s the difference?

“How do you know she’s not lying about cheating?”
Odds. She admitted to a laundry list of several things that would send many men running for the hills. Most women would lie about the number or situations before they’d lie about cheating.

“Don’t you get jealous of thinking about her past?”
Nope. Our sex life is SPECTACULAR. We both satisfy each other completely. Plus, one advantage to being with an experienced woman is that she knows what it takes to please herself, as well as how to give pleasure.

“What would you do if you met one of her encounters?”
I’d probably start by shooting the BS like I would any normal guy. If it degraded into “HAHA, I banged your woman”, I would probably say something along the lines of “Big deal, she’s dropped her panties for lots of guys. She’s been faithful to me longer than anyone else.”

“Don’t you worry she’s had bigger?”
I don’t worry she’s had bigger; I know she’s had bigger. Never felt the need to ask for specifics, but the odds are 29-to-1 against me being the biggest.

“Don’t you/she feel like she was used?”
Asked her this directly, the response was a quick and definitive “no”. People needlessly associate women who have high numbers of sex partners with being used. She went in to each encounter without expectations, knew exactly what she wanted and got it. She wasn’t using sex to cover up any emotional issues or otherwise. She basically lived life like *gasp* a man; she wanted to get laid, and did.

I’m a guy who got married at the age of 20, I’m currently 26. My wife confided in me long before we got married that I was her 24th. That really didn’t phase me much at the time because I was going through some problems as well, and besides that we were in that crazy-love stage of the relationship. I told her it didn’t matter, I loved her, end of story.

Fast forward six years. Over the time that we’ve been married I’ve had to hear her go on about her “past”, to close friends, people in church support groups etc… It drove me mad. At one point we got into an argument going over to her grandmother’s house on holiday, about her past and how in retrospect, I was rather disappointed that I hadn’t taken the few chances that were given to me in high school/early college. It just seemed totally worthless to me that I put forth the restraint to wait for that one right person, only to find out (and then later, truly sink in) that she obviously didn’t give a damn about waiting, and had she not packed on a ton of weight, she would have continued doing so. (I’ve tried to get her to work on getting back in shape with me, but she won’t because she attributes it to “that time in her life”.)

The only shred of pride I can hold onto is that I’ve been told by her friends (and funny enough, my brother in law), that I’m the best-looking, and best overall guy she’s met, unlike the rest of the trash she dated/slept with. She’s told me I’m the best she’s ever had, but in light of everything, that just doesn’t seem to matter to me.

At this point in life, if I were to wait for a girl who was also waiting until marriage (and was attractive without being insane), I’d be single for the rest of my life. In retrospect, the best thing I could have done for myself was to jump at every chance I had. I fooled around with a few girls in high school, but didn’t sleep with them. I thought there was virtue in being a nice guy… but as the saying goes, nice guys finish last. Too bad I didn’t discover that truth until it was too late. Things might have felt a bit less painful.

The best bet I have now is to push the both of us back into peak shape, and start working on her with the concept of “swinging”. Does that contradict the statement above? Yeah. But at this point in the game… oh, f******, well.

Been married nearly 20 years. Just found out that my wife didn’t disclose her past when we got married. Instead of having 13 boyfriends and 1 one night stand she told me about prior to marriage, it’s now up to 25+ one nightstands & counting as she remembers things. Claims she just mis-counted and thought I knew everything back then. I guess I was supposed to read her mind or something. To me the difference between 1 and 25+ is NOT miscounting! I was not a virgin when we married but had only been in a couple long term relationships & considered sex something special, not just to be given away to whomever happens to be around.

Also found out lots of drugs were used and nearly all the one night stands consisted of… go to party, get drunk, pick some guy, go somewhere a little private, let him do whatever he wants… or just suck his dick right at the party to start things off. She didn’t even know the name of quite a few of them. Several she was so drunk, she doesn’t really know what happened but is certain she had sex (how does this work?). Unfortunately, many of them live & work very near us and I REALLY don’t want to run into them – already ended up talking for a day with one of them before I knew who he was. Felt pretty sick after I found out.

Now instead of thinking about my wife having boyfriends, I have visions of her being the town slut. When I kiss her, I think of all the dicks that have been in that mouth. She’s never wanted to suck my dick because she said she doesn’t like to. I never thought much of it until she told me of all the times she did that at parties for other guys – now it really pisses me off. How to I stop these thoughts & images?

I believe she has been faithful these past 20 years and I love her and am committed to working through this. I’m really not sure where to start though. Any advice appreciated.

I’m a psychologist and would like to try to help out.

If your wife was promiscuous as a teenager, it is highly likely she was very ashamed about it and that is why she never fessed up to you about it. Generally, girls who are promiscuous like that have a very poor self image, and feel that the only way to get boys to like them is to give them what they want sexually. The girl honestly feels that she is good for nothing but sex. The oral sex (to a girl like I’m describing) was probably more of a degradation thing than a sexual preference that she enjoyed. Her unwillingness to engage in oral sex with you makes me more inclined to believe that she views it still as a degrading act that she wishes to avoid. With counseling, she may be able to get past that and enjoy oral sex with you one day.

I would suggest to you the possibility that she may have been sexually molested as a child. Many girls who were molested as children end up being promiscuous as teens and even as adults. She may have no strong recollection of the molestation, but probably has some images in her mind of situations that occurred.

I would also suggest to you that your wife is needing your understanding and compassion about this. It was likely something that haunted her for all those years.

I know for your male pride (not meaning this in a derogatory way) it must be very difficult, especially with the boys (now men) that used her sexually being your acquaintances. If need be, you could always re-locate to another area to have a fresh start. You’re never too old to do that. A change of scenery could be good for both of you. If you would like, I can try to offer some help and counsel to your wife. My email address is rkyobo@gmail.com.

God bless!

I was with my now ex-girlfriend for 10 months, it was all I could handle knowing her past and what she went through. She opened up to me very quickly about her running away from home, getting involved with the wrong crowd, being raped at 14, getting pregnant 3 times, aborting all 3, losing her virginity at 13 and sleeping around with many men, from the age of 13 – 18 and never using protection, just the pill. She even described the type of guys she was with, and to be honest I was disgusted, but she felt she was saving some of these men she was with, ugh… I just didn’t understand her mentality of how she was saving a man from ruining his life that was married with kids.

When we started dating I was 29 and she was 21. This was a first for me, a gap in age this large. As time went on I started to feel insecure about our future together. I was ready to be a father, I knew exactly what I wanted in life and she had many of those developing qualities I wanted in a life partner. But to be honest she was not the type of girl you take home to mom, but I did. The turning point for me was kids. I consider myself a good guy and I’ve always wondered why good boys fall for girls with a history of childhood problems that led them down the wrong path in life, and with that said I did not in any shape or form enter this relationship thinking this girl needed saving or changing. Like I said earlier, I consider myself a good guy and I’m proud of who I am, and I would be proud one day if I have a son or daughter who turns out like me. But I couldn’t say the same thing about my girlfriend, maybe I just over analyzed all of this, but I saw myself one day sitting at home, frustrated at my wife and saying something like, our daughter is just like you, that’s what you did when you were her age and now she’s doing the same thing. I just wasn’t proud of my girlfriend to say one day I’d be proud that my daughter turned out just like her.

ok dude i have like thee exact problem my girlfirend did the same thing with about the same amount of partners and i know that those images may huant you but they do the same to me and i always worry about her cheating but thats not a big councern but i always just forget about it and shake my head cuase my g/f is def. changed and she also says that she regrets that so much she always tells me that i shoulda ben her first not those dudes… and all that may make u mad when u think about it but its the past u just need to forget about it and move on and think about the future thats in store for u to and it also takes time for you to forget those pictures u get in ur head im not saying anything or nuthin but they will always be in the back of your head but at least you got the girl now not all the dudes so consider yourself lucky you’ve prolly changed her to so good job

I’m in this situation and it is horrible.
Funny how when they meet a decent guy who will work hard and treat them right and be a good father then suddenly they “regret” what they did. But until us poor suckers came along and actually fell in love with them, they’d have just kept right on going. I think most us us men in this situation realised too late what mugs we are. Half the men in the town no doubt laughing at us behind our backs because they’ve slept with her and and a wife who had all the fun she wanted then when she decided it was time to settle for a meal ticket, suddenly “regrets”. Funny how they don’t “regret” all of this until they’ve found the meal ticket isn’t it?.

my gurl friend has had alot of partners b4 me and even had a 3some with 2 guys and its eating me up she says she want me and only me and she left that life behind we have been dating for 4 1/2months and 2months ago she made out wit guy at a party that told her i knew him b4 they did it and didnt tell me i had to find out from this guy 2months later cuz he recorded it she said she was sorry and it would never happen again it was so long ago y am i mad ect. but the truth is i love her more than life itself but i dont think i can trust her to chill with guys or go to partys i dont want to lose her but i dont want to be hurt what should i do

im in the almost the same sittuation ,and feel the same way

It is humorous, after reading this article, as to how blindly we follow sex into a relationship. This post scarily reminded me of my own reality, and I thought I could share just to get it off my chest. My girlfriend is 26, has been with around 15-20 other guys (40-50 that she has made out with), and NOW decides that she does not think sex/intimacy is as special anymore. This, in return, hurts our sex life and is what forces many people to cheat on their spouses.

I am now doing things that I wish I never had just to escape the pain and agony of being in a relationship with a person like this is. It is neglectful, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying through their teeth.

I’m with JH and matt .. same situation.. only mine tried to make it seem like I was her 4th .. until her bst friend, proved her wrong and ended being likme 20+ back 4 years ago (when they lost touch)lol she’s 25 I’m 26 and are (were) engaged.. so I know the number obviously increased and I’m like wtf .. ad our sexlife sucks.. she’s tired at times and stuff.. moe like bored of it.. cnat blame hr , but should I stay or leave .. asides that, she’s been great..

Dude, that’s bad. I’d never be able to look at her the same way again. And then to be told she won’t give you oral sex, after she’s done it to guys she didn’t even know… that’s just totally unacceptable, and she needs to be called on it. She needs to be going down tonight, and she has absolutely no excuse not too. If she could do it for men she doesn’t even know, she darn well better be performing like a porn star for her husband.

If you decide to stay with her, for your own sanity, consider moving far enough away to avoid these other guys. If she protests, tell her why. She’ll shut up immediately, because it’s her fault and she’ll know it. If she doesn’t like it, tough. That’s a consequence of her past. She’d better learn to live with it.

Honestly, 20 years or not, I’d be seriously considering getting out of that relationship. These images will haunt you forever. If you can stand it, more power to you. But you need to lay down the law to this slut.

This is a good lesson that you better be really careful who you decide to spend your life with. Women may not like it that there is a double standard, but you know what? Reality is that life isn’t fair, and life sucks. If you are going to play the Ho when you are young, you’d better be ready to face the consequences when you want to settle down. If you divulge your secret to your man, you’re a fool. If you want to keep it quiet, you’d better pray that everyone who knows about you keeps quiet too.

Keep your pants on, and be choosy who you enter a relationship with. Your life will be sooooo much easier.

my girlfriend use to sleep around too. she was desperate for love / male attention… plus all the other girls were doing it too.

she is my first girlfriend and it hurts that while i was lonely and looking for a woman the right way she was giving it up to dudes that were using her.

it makes me want to go out and bang other girls.
it makes me an irrational animal.
i just wish she didn’t devalue herself by giving it to so many other dudes. i’d feel like her sexuality was a lot more special if she had saved it for serious relationships.

interesting thread you’ve got here. my gf shared with me (without me prompting her or wanting to know) that she’s slept with several girls, been in 1 relationship with a girl, had casual sex with several men and women, and been in a few threesomes. i’m in my thirties and have only slept with girls i cared about deeply (though not necessarily romantically). i was raised in a rigid household, but i’m very open-minded and accepting of others’ lifestyles. her past does not bother me.

however, she’s still close friends with SEVERAL of the people she’s slept with, men and women, and people with whom she’s participated in 3somes. she didn’t share that with me upfront and i found out by confronting her after my suspicions got the best of me.

i’m deeply in love with her, but deeply troubled that she maintains these friendships. i’ve explained this to her and she’s scaled back those friendships considerably…but it’s not enough.

almost all of the encounters happened within the last three years, some within the last year. she’s in her early 20′s so she’s just coming out of the time period where most people go crazy sexually. she’s a very faithful girl, very balanced, and hasn’t suffered a trauma that caused her to sleep around – she just views casual sex as just that, and relationship sex as something else…but none of that is very comforting given these friendships still exist.

…and she’s told me on many occasions that she wants to marry me.

…not looking for advice, but i am curious to know how others view my situation.

Right my girlfriend is 22 and she has slept with around 110. I feel sick everytime I think about it. She says, she isn’t that person anymore. And that I should live in the present and not in the past. But that is a ridiculous idea. She has even admitted to just having sexual relationships with 5 different men at the same time, for many years.

Her dad is an alcoholic, and she sometimes gets drunk and mentions sexual abuse, but won’t divulge any further. I am finding it very difficult to move on from that horrific number. I am a modern person, and can quite easily accept a mistake or forgive somebody. But a 110! and this is by the age of 21. She says she lost her virginity at 12. But that is still no excuse. And she says she is not regretful of her past, because it has made her the person she is today. But she isn’t that great a person. She makes no contribution to society to justify a wild past. I do love her, but it gives me this horrible lump in my throat that I just can’t swallow. Sometimes when very loved up, she says I have changed her, and she has never loved someone like me, and sex was just sex, just something to do. And making love is something I have taught her. She has even gone as far as saying she feels like a born again virgin after meeting me. But how much of it is just to make me feel better. I have even resorted to religion, to try and deal with loving such a slut. Help.

When I dated my wife I knew she was a known highschool slut, like 50 guys by the time she was 15_ish
In any even we fell in love and got married. Sex was always just ok, she was never a real agressive or horny partner like you might imagine. After a couple years things really cooled down. Fast forward after the third baby was born the sex life all but dead. I got the ocassional handjob and after months of begging maybe oral and in rare event maybe intercourse but always just accomodating me never hot, little to no foreplay. Things perked up for a little while a few years later and then baby four was on the way. After that baby she had tubes tied and then sex was completely over. I went 5 years no intercourse or oral almost two years not even handjob and then maybe a few of those over couple years.
Now then aboout me: I am devoted and never cheated, Im a gentlemen, I respect women and open car and house doors (just way I was raised) i dont drink, im a excellent dad and home every night, I cook often, I clean the house often, I am a hopeless romantic and tried everything over the years but most of the time she makes me feel like its a waste of time and she has no interest in the nicest of things I do.
I get pissed thinking about all the guys she gave out to and here I am devoting my entire life to her and get shit in return. I think there might have been a molestation in her past but she will not discuss it. It has only surfaced once or twice when she was extremely upset.
I love her still and all our kids but I mean I was a virgin when we married and she is all I ever wanted, but as Im now in my mid 40′s I dont wanna go my entire life without sex! she has no interest in sex or any other men. she seems to be willing to loose me if I push to hard for sex. so for now I live like this, just hoping things come back life for her. I’ve never pressured her really hard or made her feel too bad but I have told her how I feel. Not sure what the hell else if left to do?

Only one way to solve this, women, don’t be a slut.

I totally agree with this. My gf was 26 when I met her, and she had 18 partners before me. Maybe 19, I’m not sure exactly. But it hurts so deep and damaged our relationship when I found out. I ended up falling in love with her, and now we’re engaged. But this still cuts my heart deep and is always on my mind, Even after almost 2 years. I know for a fact it’s going to always be on my mind for the rest of my life. It’s a combination of things, if I’m her best, (of course she says so) but after 18… I’m pretty positive I am not…and how big of a slut she was, because most of those came in a 3 year window. It disgusts me….

Wow, JH, you really hit the nail on the head…that’s exactly what it is too!

To every single one of you that is in a relationship with but not yet married, and is having a problem with the idea of your GF past promiscuity, do not get married, get out of the relationship, NOW! If you don’t you will spend the reest of your life with haunting images of her past, no matter haow much you love her and no matter how hard you try not to. You desrve it and so does she. Let her find someone who acan accept it, and you find a lifelong parnter you can respect.

There are men, some posted here, who save themsleves for mariage, who view sex as a precious act to be only shared between tow people who love each other and want only to be with each other and no others. It is devastating to a man or a woman who have saved themslves for a marriage partner, to find out after the fact that their wife (or husband) had been sexually promiscuous before they met, or while dating.

To the woman who are reading this see themslves in this situation, if you have been physcally, emotionally or sexually abused, go right now and see a good counseler that can build back your life and self esteem and self respect.

Your girlfriend is dirty – there are no ‘double standards’ that women like to harp on about. Women would think a man that has lots of sexual partners in a short amount of time is dirty…and us men think the same about women who do the same. She just has no morals, probably has the clap and will more than likely cheat on you.

Hi. I’m dating and engaged to a girl who is in the 10-15 range. I personally don’t consider that too many because I have seen (and obviously read about) people in a much higher range. I knew this before I got too involved and it didn’t really bother me until I realized that I was in love with her. And what bothers me isn’t so much with her number directly; its with the fact that my number pales in comparison and I feel embarrassed. I’m in the 2 range (including her LOL). I know this is just my male ego being sensitive. However, I haven’t been able to find a way to make it stop now in the past 9 months. Its something that I think about quite often. Time and time again, I am able to be rational and put it aside, but ultimately the cycle always repeats itself and I come right back to square-1. Its to the point now where I am starting to question whether or not I should go through with the marriage; do I really want to play mental gymnastics like this the rest of my life? I know that would be an incredibly immature thing to do, which is why I’m scouring the web looking for someone that can say something that will make it click for me. She’s super hot too and I’m going to be the biggest jack ass in the world when I **** it up.

dammmm 30 guys???

your girl is a ho!!!

haha straight up cuz

this is a hard matter to deal with for most males,we have been togehter 21 years and married 29 when we met and i knew there would have been a past with her,but nothing prepared me for what she told me 5 months ago.

i asked her if she had any regretts in life and she said sleeping around when she was 22/23,she said she had slept with around 12 one night stands and hated herself for it,she became very upset,as the days.weeks went on i did a little more digging and she admited she did no know how many one nigh stands she had had over the years,and that the 12 she stated 10 were over a 6 to 8 month period,she had been dumped by who she thought was the one and went on the rebound while working away from home,this through her into depression(she suffered from deression 19 yrs old) and she felt worthless and that no man would want her,she would sleep with guys from nightclubs while drunk just to feel wanted and refuse to see them again,this made her feel in control,she would not be hurt,but she was hurt inside her mind feeling disgusted with herself after,getting her stuff together and leaving,,,she is a very attactive city girl,not once to be diced with,i have never seen her so broken in all the years we have been together.
what i am trying to say is get to the bottom of the reason,females should no be made to feel guilty about having sex,if it were you with loads of partners and she didnt like it you would tell her to deal with it,but its not just likeing sex that often the reason,the reason may be deeper in the mind than you know and you have to understand this,we all make mistakes in life and do dumb things,but if your state of mind is not level you rush into things with out thinking about tomorrow,support is whats needed,not judging youe female partner,out of all those men she picked you,you the one,you stand out above all the rest,you tick every box for her,,,love her,,she deserves it,my wife does and always will get love from me no matter what….even though all this was hard to deal with.

As above, absolute legend! I’ve never thought of it that way before, thank you for sharing your thoughts! You have changed my way of thinking completely

Compared to many of the posts i’ve read here my situation is pretty petty but i still feel like I need to share it. I’ve been in love with my current GF for about 3 years now but just recently escaped the friend zone and we have been dating for about 3 months now. She has had 2 BFs from the time that I met her one of which has become a friend of mine. The thing I actually don’t understand is that the fact that I know she slept with her past 2 BFs doesn’t bother me at all in fact i kind of came across a sex vid of her and her ex and even that doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is the other guys she had sex with whom she wasn’t dating. One that she confessed to me was a drunken one night stand she had at a party while she was still dating her ex. and the other was a guy she brought home on 2 separate occasions one of which she kicked me out of our apartment for.(we have been roommates for a year it was before we got together) the images of that constantly enter my mind. I honestly don’t know what to do. I mean she says I am the best she has had but has also said I am the smallest she has ever had I didn’t ask her for that info she kind of just blurted it out after sex once. The sex is amazing though, but I don’t know if I should take her word for it I mean there is a good chance her number is between 5-10 maybe more I don’t want to know and don’t plan on ever asking. My number on the other hand is 4 including her. The thing I find most fascinating is that the only partners that bother me are the ones she wasn’t dating and especially the one the brought home. I honestly think If i ever saw him near my home again I would do something bad. anyways any thoughts?

do what feels right in your heart–and in your head.

I have never read a more enlightening story in my life. You have got to be one of the most cool people around. I have been.in a relationship for 2 1/2 years and she has had 20 partners or so and a “friend” who she runs to in between relationships. Well she cheated on me with this friend when she got really pissed and broke up with me which turned out to be for two days…then she.came.back. I found out months later and ever since I have been messed up in the head and insecure about it. I wish I was more like you even though our situations are different